Human Dynamics
When you look to another to give you something you’re refusing to give yourself,
what they offer will never hit the spot.
It’s yours to cultivate.
Not theirs to give.
And in your frustration of not getting what you think you want and need from someone else,
you point to them for not rising up adequately.
But it was you who did not rise up.
Hence your search for someone who would.
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Why would you put the mentally ill (human) in charge of your life?
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If you only have it because you’re holding on,
you don’t have it.
It has you.
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People pleasers aren’t any less controlling or manipulative than those who ‘take advantage’ of them.
Both are positioning themselves, and using others, to get their artificial needs met.
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Avoiding ‘toxic’ people isn’t the solution.
(or even possible)
Becoming clean yourself is.
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Why are you mad at them for your choice to betray yourself?
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When you take away the artificial buffer(s), there's a high chance that someone's gonna split.
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Saying nothing says everything that needs to be said.
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Why would you need to forgive?
What happened wasn’t wrong (it just was).
Nor was it about you.
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oversharing
or overanything
even underanything
if we get down to it
is an attempt to ‘empty out’
to release the increasing pressure
of an overloaded system
by any means necessary
which feels vastly different
from the over and under
of anything at all
from a system that’s clean
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I don’t feel tethered to anyone.
Not even to my own child.
And if you can’t understand how this can be,
and how this is the highest expression and experience of true love and ultimate freedom,
we should talk.
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Why would I be less me for anybody?
The more me, the better.
For everybody.
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I do the opposite of what they say to do
With a man
As a woman
Whatever the fuck that means
I am sharp
Not soft (and I am - very)
I challenge everything
Until there’s nothing
I don’t let anything go
Until it returns back to zero
(an inside job - read more)
And as he’s said…
I’m relentless
Unyielding
Exacting
Demanding
Militant
Trenchant
Mercurial
And yet…
He’s still here
Right here
Closer than most will ever be (his words)
To me
To themselves
To heaven
To another
Precisely because I do the opposite of what they say to do
With a man
As a woman
Whatever the fuck that means
Why would I be less me for anybody
The more me, the better
For everybody
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if you wouldn’t choose it again today
and again right now
if the slate was clean
(it is)
then there’s a reason you’re choosing to overstay
and that reason is not truth
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If someone is stuck on their bullshit, I swerve.
I want nothing to do with it.
They can figure that out on their own time.
Not mine.
You couldn’t pay me enough to deal with someone who is not ready to let go of their shit.
Because there’s nothing there for me.
And I could care less if they’re ever ready.
I am absolutely not invested in someone else’s freedom.
At all.
They have to want that for themselves enough to do what needs to be done.
Which means letting go of their crutches and excuses and actually standing on their own.
At that point, we play.
Until then, I’m gone.
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your past
your thoughts
your trauma
your pain
your parents
your partner
your kids
your ex
your current circumstances
and your mental health issues
are not why you’re not free
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