Lovers

Touché, Bitch (An Essay)

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Talking with a friend in a relationship that’s been the biggest NO forfuckingever…

Her: “But I love his family.”

Me: “More than you love yourself?”

Her: “Touché, bitch.”

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P.S. If you’ve never referred to me as ‘bitch’ (not ‘a bitch’ — although that would still be a compliment), do you even love me?

And if I haven’t called you ‘bitch’ while hyped up in a private convo / message / work call, either celebrating you or calling you out, do I even love you?

Of course.

But it’s still fun to ponder.

Trust No One (An Essay)

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Ultimately,

I don’t trust anybody.

I don’t need to.

I trust my knowing.

I trust myself.

And therefore, every move by proxy.

Which is why…

I don’t require another to be ‘trustworthy’.

I know when truth is present and when it’s not.

Which has nothing to do with the person.

And everything to do with the now.

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Obliteration Dance (An Essay)

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I chose him precisely because of the density.

The grit.

For the perceived dysfunction that would highlight my own so I could erect what had long been limp.

I used him to purify myself.

To be stripped even further.

To stay until nothing was left.

From the outside, it looked insane.

And to my human, it felt like hell.

But obliteration was what I was after.

Why else would I have danced right there?

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Twisted Sticky Shit (An Essay)

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You can’t have an expectation / demand / condition for how or when another person should behave for or in response to you…

and call that love.

You can’t point to what you’ve done for them (gross) in comparison to what you think they’ve yet to reciprocate (eww) as a way to justify why they should now perform / abandon / contort themselves for you like you clearly did for them (why else would you be keeping score)…

and call that love.

That’s manipulation.

Control.

Twisted, sticky, icky shit.

If it’s not given freely,

truthfully,

lovingly,

unconditionally…

why would you even want it?

You’d rather a performance than the real deal?

You’d rather have it the way your ego scripted it than the way it actually is?

You’d rather another do for you what you’re not willing to do for yourself?

Absurd.

People can move and exist as they wish.

You’re free to do the same.

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Everyone is The One (An Essay)

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The idea that there’s a ‘right’ one implies there could ever be a ‘wrong’ one.

But that’s impossible.

Every being you’re dancing with is the ‘right’ one.

The most accurate and divinely prescribed one.

For precisely where you are.

Just like every moment of life.

The current moment / relationship / circumstance / configuration and all that it’s comprised of, contains exactly what’s required of / for you to clear each board as the next board takes its place.

The players may change but this truth remains the same in the customized game created solely by you.

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No Reassurance (An Essay)

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Him: “I know you’ll never give me reassurance.”

And why would I need to?

What IS speaks for itself.

He spoke of wanting something more solid.

Saying he knows he can’t ask or expect that of me.

And yet…

I’m as solid as can be (energetically).

He can always count on ME.

But his human wanted something concrete.

In the physical world of make-believe.

Where nothing is solid.

Where security can’t be found.

Not in a thing.

Not in another.

Just in the space one cannot claim.

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Breakups Aren't Necessary (An Essay)

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Breakups don’t break what needs breaking.

Being the living truth does.

That is what moves what needs moving.

It recalibrates every piece.

People ‘breakup’ in the physical because they don’t yet know how to break their attachment in the non-physical.

They’re trying to do ‘out there’ what they’ve yet to accomplish ‘in here’.

Thinking that rearranging ‘those’ things will inevitably take care of ‘these’ things.

It won’t.

Those things will remain messy things until you’ve actually cleaned up these things.

Which doesn’t mean ‘stay together’ (even that’s not ultimately real).

It means there’s no need to contrive an end.

The separation / split you seek happens of its own accord through energetic truth (integrity); not through an intellectual decision or an emotional reaction or a physical representation of IT.

And…

There is absolutely no way you can be in complete integrity (which almost no one is) AND be in a dynamic that requires severing something in the physical in the first place.

You would not have ended up there.

And even from that erect place, you can and will still apply any true move, which may of course include a physical separation (in truth; not in compensation).

But the work and the break is first done in the unseen.

The rest follows suit quite naturally.

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Relationships Don't Need Work (An Essay)

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Relationships don’t need to be ‘worked on’.

Unless it’s the one with yourself.

Nor do they require any level of sacrifice.

Unless you’re sacrificing what’s false.

It’s not necessary.

Or energetically sound.

The vibe of trying,

reaching,

abandoning

(even just a little)

for or because of another…

kills the potency (and purity) that makes every dynamic thrive.

‘Working on’ the relationship by focusing on and considering the other, instead of tending to your own lane and operating from there, inevitably creates an energetically limp (attached / codependent / diluted) experience for both parties, despite how intense this dysfunctional bond might feel.

It’s a poor facsimile of the fire you actually crave that only comes from never leaving home.

From working on THIS; not that.

Because THIS is all there is and that will adjust accordingly.

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The Intimate Gallery of Us (An Essay)

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as he and i deepen exponentially

it inevitably eclipses that which doesn’t hit as deep

there’s been this narrowing

a honing in

a natural devotion to THIS

and last night

a stunning and mind-blowing masterpiece

was added to the intimate gallery of us

and all i knew was stay here

because here with him

is truth

and when i left his place to go dancing

to be the Mandy i’ve always been

i left this man

for the very first time

as his

and he

as mine

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His Moves Are Not My Business (An Essay)

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Months ago while telling a friend about a moment with the fella that I was a HELL NAW to, she asked if I help a guy to shift the things that I’m not into, or if I just end things because of it.

My response:

I only do what the moment requires of me.

Whatever that may be.

Me making my true move does exactly what needs to be done.

Across the board.

With everyone.

I dropped deal breakers / boundaries / standards long ago.

They aren’t necessary.

And no, I don’t ‘help’ the fella shift his shit because that, too, is unnecessary.

He’s grown.

And his moves are not my business.

He can be however he wants to be.

I’ll make my moves accordingly.

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