He and I are so damn close.
Again tonight,
brought to tears.
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SEX
He and I are so damn close.
Again tonight,
brought to tears.
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Him: “When we’re together like this, it feels like anything is possible.”
Me: “Because it is.”
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“When we are together, we are closer than most couples and that's as real as it gets for me.”
Him, last night.
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“We haven’t reached our final form.”
And I agreed with him.
But we’ve reached a million ephemeral places.
And I’ve never felt more loved.
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I’ll leave myself to meet you there.
You’ll do the same for me.
vs
I’ll stay right here.
You’ll stay right there.
We’ll dance in the in-between.
Or not.
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Relationships don’t need to be ‘worked on’.
Unless it’s the one with yourself.
Nor do they require any level of sacrifice.
Unless you’re sacrificing what’s false.
It’s not necessary.
Or energetically sound.
The vibe of trying,
reaching,
abandoning
(even just a little)
for or because of another…
kills the potency (and purity) that makes every dynamic thrive.
‘Working on’ the relationship by focusing on and considering the other, instead of tending to your own lane and operating from there, inevitably creates an energetically limp (attached / codependent / diluted) experience for both parties, despite how intense this dysfunctional bond might feel.
It’s a poor facsimile of the fire you actually crave that only comes from never leaving home.
From working on THIS; not that.
Because THIS is all there is and that will adjust accordingly.
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Last night I dreamed I won billions in a lottery.
And it didn’t feel any different than how my life feels with him in it.
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His submission to me,
through his submission to himself,
goes as deep as my own submission.
It cannot be another way.
He’s sourced from my very core.
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as he and i deepen exponentially
it inevitably eclipses that which doesn’t hit as deep
there’s been this narrowing
a honing in
a natural devotion to THIS
and last night
a stunning and mind-blowing masterpiece
was added to the intimate gallery of us
and all i knew was stay here
because here with him
is truth
and when i left his place to go dancing
to be the Mandy i’ve always been
i left this man
for the very first time
as his
and he
as mine
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if i ever felt him leave himself
move for me instead of naturally
it would kill the vibe on contact
and the turn on would be gone
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My experience of love is contingent upon what’s stripped away;
not on what’s added up.
The amount of time.
The layers of meaning.
The stories amassed.
Nah.
Seeing through lies.
The stories that die.
The dissolution of matter and meaning.
Yum.
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I don’t need the sex to get better every time.
I need our SEX to be true every time.
Which makes all the things,
including the sex,
the very best
every time.
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i don’t leave myself for him
he doesn’t leave himself for me
we remain intact
separately
the sole portal
to
true intimacy
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As we were walking to the restaurant after the most delicious experience with him to date…
Me: “I feel so relaxed and satisfied.”
Him: “You said the same thing when you got here after I asked you about your day.”
Me: “I guess that’s just how I exist.”
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He doesn’t care about the orgasm.
He’s here for the experience.
SEX over sex.
Always.
Even when it includes sex or the orgasm.
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I wanted to start this post with, “I had the best SEX ever last night.”
(peep my thoughts on SEX vs sex)
Because that’s how I describe whatever truly hits my spot.
The best (fill in the blank) ever.
Because in the moment, that’s how it feels.
Floating in heaven.
Nothing can top THIS.
But more accurately, it’s just another gorgeous experience of presence and truth, which always feels like heaven.
So yummy.
So delicious.
Swoon.
And as we played, it was so quiet.
So incredibly still.
Even amongst the sounds and movements.
And…
It was the most natural dance with another.
With myself.
Through the other who is me.
A dance so fluid I didn’t notice the moves.
I only felt the dance.
And…
I can’t even say that the SEX keeps getting better, deeper, richer…
because that would imply it was less so the first night and that wasn’t the case at all.
We moved beautifully and seamlessly and magically then as well.
Because presence in the NOW is as deep as it gets.
Playing for the first time — EVERY time.
Why show up for less?
We’ve never replicated previous scenes.
Nor have we tried to create one.
Art is made in the moment.
Last night, another masterpiece.
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