Instant Flip Switch (An Essay)

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It’s not enough to ‘decide’.

Not intellectually at least.

But if that decision is energetically backed by truth,

if a true line is drawn in the sand and you have hit the point of no return,

meaning you are so done with what was,

that it collapses in the face of what IS,

then that decision is plenty.

And the switch gets flipped in an instant.

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Smudge On The Eyes (An Essay)

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when there is smudge on the eyes

a distorted lens that discolours everything

one cannot see themselves

situations

or others

as they truly are

and…

in order to cope with that misperception of self

of the illusory other

of what is actually going on

(and the discomfort that arises from a truth one cannot own)

one projects what’s false

and deflects what’s true

effectively ‘protecting’ the illusion

while convinced that it’s truth

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Cleaning The Inner And The Outer (An Essay)

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internal and external cleaning

is a constant refinement

an endless clearing

a seamless dance with matter

and there’s always a sigh of pleasure as i take in what i've done

and experience this ‘brand new’ space for the very first time

while feeling so much lighter and lovelier than when i visited last

more pure

more ME

stripped even further of debris

it’s a forever job

tending to one’s inner and outer home

or rather a living work of art

each stage

a masterpiece

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The Illusion Of A Purpose (An Essay)

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In a call the other day, the fellow was talking about not having a purpose aka a made-up concept to attach himself to.

You know, to give himself / his life some direction, some meaning, some much needed motivation.

Something he can create an identity around.

Something to make him feel more ‘like a man’.

Because being exactly who he is and following his natural movements on the daily isn’t enough.

There needs to be an add-on.

Something quantifiable.

Something more / other than this.

I told him I don’t have a purpose.

He said it’s different for men.

I found that amusing.

Mostly because he just put us both in a separate category based solely on physicality (ignoring the energy aka the truth which would completely disprove his point if we really were talking about the masculine and feminine) to explain why I’m fine not having a purpose and he’s not.

It’s not because I’m a woman.

It’s because I’m not attached to bullshit.

Regardless of gender, regardless of conditioning based on gender, an illusion is still an illusion.

Purpose (or lack of), like self-worth (or lack of), like value (or lack of), like countless other things that aren’t actually real, is just a human-made concept to attach to and create a story around.

Something to hold on to, to point to as the reason you feel the way you do, or do the things you do you think you should do.

Something to avoid being the living truth.

Which comes with no labels.

No terms.

No concepts.

No thing.

Your ‘purpose’ is to BE yourself,

unobstructed,

if there had to be a thing.

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You're Asking The Wrong Question (An Essay)

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It's not: "How do I get the clients / make the money / overcome the addiction / heal the pain / resolve this health and / or relationship 'issue'?"

It's: "When will I stop saying YES to a NO? When will I stop supressing what's true? When will I make being the living truth my full-time job regardless of who or what is in front of me?"

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I'm Like Shrooms For Your System (An Essay)

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working with me is like being bathed in sunshine, sparkles and rainbows

while riding a unicorn in a parade of flying kitties

and simultaneously getting an upper cut, throat punch and / or kick to the gut

and if you’re really ready to rock and roll (on the very cusp of IT)

you’re also getting thrown off the unicorn

being submerged in water

and getting kissed on the forehead

when you decide to pop back up

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The Bullshit of High-End Coaching (An Essay)

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Last year a hottie made a comment to me about the low caliber of client that comes with charging low prices.

And she was really sold on this bullshit narrative because she was being charged, and was charging, a wild amount for ‘high-end’ coaching at the time.

Which in and of itself isn’t an issue.

I’m pointing to the idea that a certain price point yields a certain quality of person.

It doesn’t.

Energy leads.

Not money.

I worked with Sanna for a year and didn’t pay a dollar for it.

As if I was a low calibre client.

As if she wasn’t the best ‘mentor’ on the fucking planet despite not charging me a penny.

Nothing was reduced just because a dollar amount wasn’t attached and a dollar wasn’t exchanged.

But I digress.

A couple of weeks ago, the aforementioned hottie took me up on my $50 for 30 minute deal (a rare deal since I currently charge $750 USD for a 30 minute call).

I was delighted.

Obviously her narrative had changed, and we had a beautiful call unrelated to money.

Then last week, she asked to book a second call to talk specifically about money.

Because despite investing in and offering ‘high-end’ coaching, it hadn’t really panned out, her money was almost gone, and she was starting to freak the fuck out.

I asked how much remained.

The number was hella low.

And that number turned me on because of how low it was.

Because crunch time means truth time so let’s fucking GO.

Let’s get to the guts of what was avoided when she spent and made those big dollars while by-passing the absolute truth.

Because if the investment and the sales were sourced from that (meaning there was no matter whatsoever), she wouldn’t be freaked out by this low number and she wouldn’t fear what may or may not come from this point on.

She’d also see that the anxiety isn’t from a dwindling bank account at all.

It was always there.

Reliant on, and in response to, illusory external security (and lack thereof) since the internal still lacks the stability required to feel secure regardless of externals.

Now it’s just being highlighted.

Damn, I love the crunch.

Because despite appearances, the crunch doesn’t create anything that wasn’t there already.

It just just shows you exactly where you’re at.

What you’re REALLY working with.

And how easily you can be moved.

And that you still have work to do.

Because if you’ve been using money or another as the buffer between you and YOU, you’re gonna come face to face with that in the absence of the money or the other.

Good.

Now we’re actually getting somewhere.

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Don't Pay To Get Something (An Essay)

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In a call yesterday, the fella was talking about high ticket coaches and the idea that he needed to invest in them to make those big dollars himself.

I said there’s no A to B connection.

If you’re investing in someone to make money or to ‘get’ anything, it’s not a clean move.

Sure it can ‘work’ for a while.

You might land some big ass sales.

But as long as there’s an ulterior motive, those dollars are counterfeit aka not pure which means you’ll still end up exactly where you were until you’re ready to strip everything that led you to chasing the money in the first place.

The idea of paying someone for a future something you think you don’t already have, has got to go.

Pay someone because it feels hot as fuck to play with them.

That’s it.

Not for the thing.

Not for some illusory outcome you’re banking on to get your ‘money’s worth’.

Only for the experience you can’t get anywhere else with anyone else because your being just told you so.

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True vs Counterfeit (An Essay)

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A true life and a counterfeit life can appear the same on the surface but are eons apart underneath.

The first is the A side.

The true side.

Rich. Juicy. Alive.

The second is the B side.

The false side.

Empty. Flat. Dead.

You can tell which reality you’ve chosen not by how it looks, but by how it feels.

You can make a ton of ‘empty’ money.

Have plenty of ‘empty’ sex.

Work countless ‘empty’ hours.

But what’s the fucking point?

How about money, sex, time and love

that’s dripping with truth,

and overflowing with you.

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There Is No Final Frontier (An Essay)

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There is no last piece.

No final frontier.

No specific area(s) you need to ‘work out’ once and for all and then you’ll be good to go for the rest of your life.

The game has no end.

You’ll never be done.

And the work remains the same.

You’re just playing with matter and its inevitable dissolution.

Regardless of the content or density.

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Seeing Through The Public Persona (An Essay)

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You can swap the coach, the paradigm, the partner.

You can change the business, the lingo, and make big money.

You can lose the weight and hit a new personal record.

And STILL not shift energetically.

Just because you switched the box and the externals look different, it doesn’t mean a damn thing changed.

And just because others paint a superficial and strategically crafted picture of themselves publicly, doesn’t mean it’s the real thing, either.

These days, when I read certain posts from those I once looked up to, and they are still selling the same flat experience (but now in a sparkly ‘new’ package), those I thought had ‘made it’ and knew something I didn’t (since I didn’t yet trust myself fully) because I was reading their content (which is what sold me) instead of their energy (which speaks the actual truth)…

I can now feel where they’re really at, regardless of what they’re saying.

And in all this time, nothing got cleaned up.

They never actually moved.

They simply added new words, new offers, and new price points from that same exact place.

Pretending something new has taken place, and maybe it has circumstantially, but energetically it’s stagnant as hell and wasn’t truly alive to begin with.

But back then I was sold on the external narrative.

My ravenous desire to find answers to my perceived dilemmas, and relief from what ailed me, clouded my ability to discern between what was being presented in the physical and what was actually loud as fuck in the non-physical.

But the cleaner I got, the easier it was for me to read between those lines.

To feel the truth beyond the words.

To know where someone’s actually at instead of where they’ve positioned themselves to be.

So I came to understand that some of the most celebrated and followed ‘teachers’ are the ones drowning in the most illusion.

They’re energetic hot messes.

Which captivates and motivates those who are also drenched in matter.

They love the resonance.

The feeling of ‘same’.

I love the void.

The feeling of clean.

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The NO vs The Edge (An Essay)

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When there is a big, fat NO in my system that I didn’t catch right away,

I feel sick in my throat.

It feels like dread.

It feels heavy and icky in my gut.

Things start to feel serious, tight, restricted.

And that dense feeling eclipses everything else until I figure out where the NO must be applied and how.

It doesn’t matter that I missed / ignored it the first time or how long I kept missing / ignoring my NO.

It doesn’t even matter who or what or why.

There’s a NO in my brilliant system and to keep saying YES to it would be a lie.

And that sick feeling is proof that I missed / ignored it and kept missing / ignoring it or else it couldn’t have gotten to the point of full-blown dread.

Who cares.

New moment.

New move.

Let’s rock.

Similarly and conversely…

When there is an edge in my system, I also feel sick.

Nauseous.

Hella nervous.

Like I’m at the top of a rollercoaster about to go down.

But there is no heaviness.

No dread.

No lump in my throat at all.

Nothing feels icky.

It feels exhilarating.

Fascinating.

Fun and light and limitless.

It feels yummy and also terrifying.

It’s not knowing what the fuck is gonna happen but being so willing to take this wild ride just because it’s true, and to let my fear stop me would be a lie.

And so…

A true NO is telling me to stop.

A true edge is telling me to GO.

That’s how I know the difference.

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Why You Don't Get All The Things (An Essay)

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You don’t get ALL THE THINGS just because you’re ‘doing the work’.

You get ALL THE THINGS THAT ARE TRUE FOR YOUR BEING EVERY FUCKING STEP OF THE WAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR FUCKING LIFE regardless of the work.

Which is what you’ve been getting since the moment you were born.

So doing the work doesn’t change the fact that you’re always exactly where you need to be in whatever circumstance you find yourself in that’s undoubtedly refining you beautifully.

Doing the work just ‘removes’ the illusory shit in the way of you seeing how fucking perfect it all is regardless of how it appears or what does or doesn’t happen because let’s face it, shit is always happening.

That’s life.

What is or isn’t happening is never the problem.

How we misperceive it, is.

Someone in a relationship isn’t more advanced / on track than someone not in one, and vice versa.

Someone with a fuckton of cash isn’t more advanced / on track than someone with nada, and vice versa.

Someone with a specific health condition isn’t less advanced / less on track than someone without one, and vice versa.

You can’t use external metrics to measure the quality of one’s inner experience or the precision of one’s energetic game because the work has nothing to do with the external even though, of course, it can impact it.

Things most definitely move more seamlessly when you’re actively doing the work simply because you’re not repeatedly jamming your own circuits with your own bullshit / clutter / mispercepetions / expectations.

And if you’re attached to what your ‘been doing all the work’ life should look like (the man, the fat account, 20 pounds lighter, whatever the fuck), you’re still not hitting the right spot because you’re aiming for something ‘out there’ to validate what you’re doing ‘in here’ instead of staying right here where the magic really happens (which has nothing to do with what does or doesn’t happen externally).

Doing the work (seeing through the matter) results in being okay no matter what happens and no matter what it ends up looking like, and trusting (well it’s even beyond trust — you just KNOW) that your being knows far better than you what the hottest concoction is for you every step of the way if you’d just get outta the damn way and do exactly what you know you need to do because you’re being told how to move in every fucking moment.

And it’s not that you won’t ‘get’ the cash or the man or the body whatever else it is you think you want.

It’s that you inevitably get to a place where you’re so fucking juiced even without it, that you’re not even feeling like a damn thing is missing (because nothing ever is), and you know that what’s truly for you is both inevitable and ever-present, and you know it’s the experience you’re after; not the thing itself,

as the unimaginable licks you from head to toe

in ways you never even dreamed of.

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How To Make Every (Non) Move (An Essay)

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making your move

based on / for / because of another

based on / for / because of the external

based on / because of what you imagine may or may not happen in the illusory future you’ll never actually meet because it will always and forever be NOW

is not the vibe

you need to make every single move

and every non-move, too (same thing)

from and for you

just because it’s true

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It's Not About The Price (An Essay)

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It’s not: ‘Of course they make a lot of money. Look how much they charge.’

If it was as simple as that, then why don’t you try to charge what they charge and see what happens.

Spoiler Alert:

Nothing beautiful will happen.

Because your move wasn’t true.

It was tainted with something artificial to prove.

There are people charging at every single price point for all kinds of things.

Some are making a killing.

Some are not.

And it’s not the price that determines that.

A high price doesn’t guarantee it will be sold.

Nor does a low one.

You already know this.

So it’s not about the price itself.

It’s about what’s actually true.

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