Wee
I chose him precisely because of the density.
The grit.
For the perceived dysfunction that would highlight my own so I could erect what had long been limp.
I used him to purify myself.
To be stripped even further.
To stay until nothing was left.
From the outside, it looked insane.
And to my human, it felt like hell.
But obliteration was what I was after.
Why else would I have danced right there?
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Peep Mandy Bites on Narcissism
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“And with everything happening in the world right now…”
As if it’s new.
Or different.
Or exclusive to now.
Name one time in the history of ever when this wasn’t the case.
When things weren’t happening.
When insanity wasn’t the norm.
I’ll wait.
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If you can’t see the absolute perfection of a ‘bad’ experience,
even the ‘worst’ experience of your life,
then you haven’t gone deep enough.
You haven’t extracted your gold
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The experience shows you where you’re deficient.
Not as a person.
But in power.
In self-ownership.
Because that experience ‘had the power’ to move you.
Proof you still have work to do.
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“I wish things could be different.”
Translation: “I wish I could stay the same and also have you put up with all that entails, but since you’re holding me accountable and I’d need to do the actual work required of me for us to continue, I guess this is the end. But if you change your mind and want to settle for even less in the future, you can always count on me.”
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I had an awakening that shattered more of me.
As truth must do.
As it should.
The me that doesn’t ultimately exist.
How else could it have shattered?
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The best ‘results’ come from dissolving inner resistance (seeing through matter which turns it right back to nothing); not from applying force externally in an attempt to compensate for the accumulation of matter that’s creating said resistance.
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You can’t override where you are.
You can’t jump to a place you’ve yet to earn your spot in and simply play pretend.
Well, you can try.
But that lack of integrity is palpable.
That overreaching and energetic incongruence is felt.
And,
it’s completely unnecessary.
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If most coaches kept it real:
“I’ll take you to a place I haven’t even dared to go myself, and I’ll use a bunch of words and embellishments and contrived positioning to convince you that I’ve got whatchu need, and you’ll totally buy it because you can’t yet discern between what I’m saying and how I’m actually living / being, which is precisely why you’re captivated by my bullshit in the first place. Thank you for your payment.”
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When you’ve deviated from the truth and natural movements of your being (a complete betrayal to your system), the only way to live with that internal split is to distract yourself with self-created 'issues’ that would not exist (and ultimately don't) had you remained in your power (your natural state) in the first place.
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No amount of movement (or lack of movement) in the physical can override or compensate for the instability in your system.
When you’re energetically spinning, every shot is a miss.
When you’re energetically still, it’s impossible to miss.
Every movement (and lack of movement) will inevitably hit the spot.
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You’re not special.
Your story’s not special.
You’re a living god
like everyone else.
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There are times when a NO within an experience is enough to keep it fresh and intact energetically.
And times when a NO must be applied to it directly,
in order to maintain that same level of integrity.
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Each piece tells me exactly what to do with it.
The when, the where, the what, the how.
The size, the colour(s), the shape, the length.
Where to begin.
And where to end.
It’s not my place to ask questions.
I listen and obey.
I always do what I’m told to do.
And that’s the art I make.
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“We haven’t reached our final form.”
And I agreed with him.
But we’ve reached a million ephemeral places.
And I’ve never felt more loved.
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You don’t do it because of that thing.
But that thing is there precisely because you aren’t doing it.
Do it despite that thing and that thing just disappears.
Don’t do it because of that thing and that thing stays right in place.
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You really can’t override living in a NO.
You either stop doing that or you suffer.
There’s no sorting it out and making it right from within the cage of self-betrayal.
Because the ‘issue’ IS the self-betrayal;
not the actual NO itself.
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I’ll leave myself to meet you there.
You’ll do the same for me.
vs
I’ll stay right here.
You’ll stay right there.
We’ll dance in the in-between.
Or not.
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if you only do the work when you feel like it
when it’s easy
comfortable
convenient
pleasant
when the results are fast and guaranteed
then guess what?
you’re not doing the work
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I don’t care about or strive towards feeling happy.
I’m here to feel ALIVE.
Uncomfortable.
Powerful.
Present.
To immerse myself in whatever I touch.
To exist fully, naturally, joyfully, deeply.
Which includes so much beyond (and also includes) those ephemeral moments of happiness.
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