Essays
I said NO to Tulum twice before all systems were go.
I was right both times, of course.
I knew I’d know when it was time to fly.
And I was right about that, too.
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money
when experienced from a pure channel
has no meaning
no value
no substance
no weight
you don’t ‘earn it’ (and you do)
you don’t work for it (and you do)
it’s not an A = B equation
“If I do this, I’ll get that” (nope)
you don’t ‘deserve’ it
you’re not ‘worthy’ of it
and if you try to make it, you can’t
but most don’t play through a pure channel
they overwork in a heavily distorted one
where money really matters
it really means something
about them
about their work
about their / its supposed value or worth
so they’ll do whatever they can to make it
and for many, of course it works
because you can make all sorts of money
in all sorts of ways
from a distorted, matter-filled channel
but from a pure one
that rarest one
your options are reduced to one
there’s only one way to ‘make’ it
you can’t affirm your way there
or externally work your way there
or visualize or pray or trade your way there
you can only be there
at the zero point
where all that remains
is truth
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Energetically speaking, there’s no difference between having money and not having money.
Having the relationship and not having the relationship.
Being in lockdown or hitting all your favourite spots.
You’re here to make art out of every piece.
Only you think and believe that one is better than the other but YOU know that all things are made equal.
In that ALL moments,
regardless of what they do or don’t contain,
are already perfect and yours to play with as you wish.
And each one comes with a delicious edge that you can ride if you like,
or not.
And if you choose not to ride your edge because you’re ‘waiting’ for the money,
the relationship,
the external permission slip to show up before YOU do,
you’re gonna have a rough, repetitive and helluva boring time.
You think you want the (fill in the blank) but YOU are here to dissolve everything in the way of it, including your desire for it.
And riding the edge of this moment is your only viable option for that to happen.
You can’t skip your moments and the work to get to the ‘good’ parts (truth) you haven’t earned by fucking with the shit parts (illusion).
There’s just no way around it or YOU.
You either make it your full-time and life-time job to fuck up everything in the way of you and YOU…
or you coast and dream,
like the others do.
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if you look at yourself
your life
others
and the world
through the lens of the energetics
you see what’s really going on
how accurate it is
and how inevitable things are
based on the energy at play
which is why you’re unaffected by what you observe
and why you’re not distracted by the noise and how things seem
and why you’re not surprised by the delusions people maintain
because you know it can’t be another way
and everything that IS
is perfect
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turning down / walking away from / energetically saying NO
to anything that isn’t IT
is the quickest and sharpest way
to land on what’s for you
you can’t see
let alone experience
all the magnificence that awaits
if you’re still playing in the rubble
of your collection of what’s not IT
fearing nothing will remain
if you drop what’s not like WHOA
is what keeps you stuck in what’s not for you
so it’s time to make a new move
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If you react (energetically move / collapse) when something in the physical doesn’t work out how you want or expect it to,
that’s your work.
To learn how not to do that.
And until you can stay still regardless of what’s happening or not happening,
shit will keep happening or not happening so you can figure that shit out.
And once you’re able to stay still regardless of what’s happening or not happening,
shit will still happen or not happen.
It just won’t affect how you feel or how you move.
And that’s how the game is won.
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Everything you’re trying to do with willpower alone will inevitably collapse.
Because you’re overcompensating in the physical for what you’ve yet to ‘conquer’ in the non-physical.
And no amount of movement can override what you’ve got jammed.
You can’t ‘will’ yourself to your vision without compromising yourself because all that force is proof that your actions aren’t coming from the truth of you or else force wouldn’t be required.
AND
You haven’t actually addressed what’s actually going on that’s created something you need to fight against and ‘overcome’ in the first place.
So instead of putting all your focus and effort on the external to get shit done, consider an internal workout for a life that feels smooth like butter.
When your energetic system is clear, your natural impulse is to do whatever it is that will keep you in prime shape in whatever area it is.
There is no force, even if there’s plenty of movement.
You can, and you will, naturally push yourself to new personal records without the need or use of will power.
Because it feels good.
And playing with restriction and discipline (if that’s what you choose) will feel invigorating; not limiting.
Because it’s hot as fuck to be be in charge of YOU.
And the more you do in the non-physical (the work of perpetually cleaning up your own shit), the less you need to do in the physical to create all the yummy things.
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You don’t have a money issue.
A health issue.
A relationship issue.
Any issue at all.
You have whatever is brought to the surface through whatever meaning you’ve projected onto whatever is happening or not happening with your account, your health, your relationships, your whatever.
Not an issue.
An invitation.
It’s not about having or not having a certain amount of money.
It’s not about having or not having a certain measure of health.
It’s not about having or not having the relationship(s) of your supposed dreams.
It’s about facing and transmuting every bit of constriction / density / matter / illusion that shows up as you navigate every single facet of life - including your finances, your health, your relationships and all the rest.
It’s not about the category.
It’s about the congestion.
And the area in which you feel the most congested / restricted / powerless, is where you think there’s an issue (naturally), but ultimately it’s just the spot that’s the ripest to fuck with (look at, challenge, and ultimately see through).
It’s your own self-generated playground to unclog, free up, and own your damn power already.
So let go of the concept of there being an issue.
There’s no such thing.
There’s just energy moving freely or temporarily getting jammed up.
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Instead of asking why someone did what they did (because you’re feeling some type of way about what another equally free human chose to do without explaining themselves or consulting you first), ask yourself why it takes so little to disturb you enough to remove the focus from you to them.
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There was a period of time when I found it invigorating, even fascinating, to read the ideas and witness the evolutions of others on social media.
Eventually, that ceased to be the case.
Not because the others had changed.
But I had.
I fell even deeper into myself and the rest just felt like noise.
So I stopped observing said noise and got quieter within.
More still, more sure, more pure, more me.
The other is not my business.
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When you ignore your NO far beyond that original moment of knowing,
you create residue in your system,
an accumulation of denied truth,
which will find its way through the density you’ve amassed, regardless.
If you neglect your NO, it will seemingly be forced upon you by less favourable circumstances (getting really sick and needing to take leave from a job you hate but refuse to quit, for example) because only at that point can you justify doing the thing you wanted to do long ago.
You created an external ‘permission slip’ as it were, to give yourself the internal permission to do the thing you weren’t willing to do until it got so bad you HAD no choice but to do it.
AFTER your system collapsed from the choice to repeatedly ignore yourself.
Which ultimately isn’t a problem.
You got what you originally wanted at least, albeit in a messier and drawn-out way.
But you can save yourself the self-imposed and unnecessary drama, pain and chaos in the future if you like, when you learn to respect and obey the NO.
Because when you’re able to do that, you won’t find yourself in a situational NO for days, weeks, months or years.
You’ll be keeping your system clear on the daily, instead of clogging it with all those perfectly beautiful yet often ignored NOs.
The ones that when listened and adhered to, have the power to shape the most exquisite experiences of your life.
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It’s not like I go around disrupting everyone and everything around me just because there’s bullshit afoot.
I don’t move until I’m moved.
When I can’t help but do it.
When it would be untrue not to whatever I’m called to do.
I never plan to fuck shit up.
I never ‘try’ to fuck shit up.
I just ‘apply pressure’ when it’s required because my being told me so.
And ‘applying pressure’ can look like anything.
It can look like speaking the truth.
It can look like not responding.
It can look like digging in.
It can look like not intervening.
The moment and the energy and the inner directive determines the move.
Not the person or the thing specifically.
Even when people in my life are going through the shit, I don’t pull a ‘Mandy’ on them just because I can.
Because unless it’s true, it does nothing for either of us.
The Mandy move only works when the energy between me and another is activated - the telltale sign that both of us are ready to play together and fuck shit up - without even knowing what’s about to go down.
And until I feel that pull, I don’t make a move.
And when I do, KA-BOOM.
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The impulse to ‘save’ someone from their own suffering by ‘helping’, ‘fixing’, ‘holding space’ or filling in the gap - actually affirms and prolongs it.
When you see yourself and others as you and they truly are - innately sovereign, self-governing and free - you wouldn’t dream of interrupting and slowing down the necessary burning that’s unfolding as a result of what they (as innately sovereign, self-governing, free beings) have created for themselves.
But that is precisely what you do when you say or do something from the misperception of ‘poor them’, and buy into the delusion that you have what they need or possess something they don’t.
This is also why you, at your very core, don’t want to be ‘saved’ (impossible anyways) when you’re in the shit.
What you actually want is to be the Master of yourself and the domain that’s housed by you.
And you can’t experience that if you still believe in victims and saviours.
There are none.
There is just you and what you choose to do or not do in this and every moment with each and every person as the innately sovereign, self-governing and free being that you are.
Dropping saviour mode is not about being a heartless jerk as you watch another suffer.
It’s about seeing them clearly (powerful as fuck) and seeing what’s happening clearly (illusion running the show) and only doing what you genuinely feel pulled to do from that clean / clear spot of knowing; not from an illusory victim / saviour stance.
Because the only reason you’d ever jump into saviour mode in the first place is because you actually believe in victims and you’re arrogant and delusional enough to believe that you can actually save them.
#isaidwhatisaid
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The end point of any experience occurs when it feels flat / dead / empty / void of any charge.
Which has nothing to do with the person or the situation itself - it’s just the energetic cue that it’s time to play elsewhere (not necessarily physically) because a new scene is about to take place.
Yet most stay where it’s energetically dead with the hopes of bringing an expired experience back to life.
Imagining that something or someone matters more than honouring the current truth.
Hence, the flatline.
Because the end / the command / the brilliant move was missed.
And…
To ignore the cue of right now,
for any reason,
for anyone,
is to immediately diminish the quality of your experience.
Which is why it’s better to seamlessly move from one activated moment to the next by not hopping off the ride, than to try to bring something dead back to life.
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Whatever is brought to the surface when another is unresponsive or responds in a way you don’t like,
was already inside of you
and is ready to be sacrificed.
It’s up to you to face and dissolve (see through) what arose from the space that’s been created just for you and this.
You may think you need someone or something to relieve your discomfort,
to bridge the gap that exists solely because you’ve yet to collapse what’s between you and well…YOU,
but what you truly want is to be so energetically sound that nothing can move or distract you from YOU.
Or at the very least, to be moved less and less as you learn how to live from that still point inside yourself.
It’s no one’s job to fill in your gaps just to keep you stable.
It’s your job to contend with your own instability.
If something as small as another’s words or non-engagement is enough to disrupt you,
to create a ripple or a wave in your system,
to redirect your focus and energy,
you’ve got more work to do.
The most important work there is.
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In complete stillness, what surrounds you is a vortex that spits out almost everything and everyone.
Matter is destroyed on contact.
Making it nearly impossible for anyone to make it through the tunnel unscathed, if at all.
The level of purity (lack of density) required for another to reach that still point of you, is immense.
And incredibly rare.
Making it that much more potent and extraordinary when an anomaly enters the scene.
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the space between what you know you’re here for but have yet to experience
and experiencing what you’ve always known was in the queue just for you (something far beyond extraordinary)
is the widest and most excruciating gap of all
and when that illusory yet deeply felt gap is no longer
because you’ve truly owned and landed in the depths and truth of YOU
it is the easiest and most natural thing in the world
it’s just you being YOU all the way
that thing that once felt so elusive
so impossible
so far from anything you’ve ever seen or known
(yet knew and felt deeply so nothing else would do)
is precisely what’s on the menu
when you ride the edge of YOU
you always knew it must be THIS (quality / vibe / level of WHOA) or nothing
absolutely nothing
because you’d rather die than have anything less
nothing less can hit that spot that’s felt and remained so empty
that tortuous split that invoked the most ravenous hunger inside you
that relentless yearning you tried to quell your whole life
to no avail
the feast your dreams are made of
and when you finally hit that delicious spot
that truthiest, yummiest, YOUiest spot
all the years it took dissolve into nothing
all the work it took dissolves into nothing
because THIS is what you’re made for
nothing less than YOU was gonna do
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The lens through which I see
myself,
the past,
and everything and everyone around me,
is always changing.
Every moment more refined than the last.
Clearer.
Sharper.
Yummier.
So fresh.
Seeing things I could not have seen a week ago,
even yesterday,
let alone a year or a decade before.
Seeing things tomorrow and every day thereafter,
that I don’t even notice right now.
Because the system constantly purifies itself.
Bringing up whatever is ready to go.
And once you’ve done the ‘heavy’ work of disrupting (facing and seeing through) the majority of your own shit (density/matter),
what remains is so much easier to navigate.
So much quicker to clean up.
Just like if you lived in an extremely cluttered home.
You can’t even get into the nooks and crannies because of all the shit in the way.
But once you’ve dealt with the overwhelming mass of clutter, you have the space and freedom to start beautifying the rest.
It’s the same with your energy.
When you finally face and deal with the mess you’ve created,
shit stops accumulating and then shit starts disappearing.
And soon enough you’re deep cleaning spots you’re just seeing for the very first time because your view’s now unobstructed.
And man, it feels so damn good.
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If it was alive in its creation,
that energy carries through the perception of time.
There is no expiration date on a work of art that pulses with the essence of its creator in their most raw and potent state.
Juxtapose this to a piece that’s created for anything other than the impulse and necessity of being true.
The piece falls flat.
It’s energetically dead.
And no amount of ‘time’ will bring that piece to life.
Because the energy it’s created with is the energy that remains with it (until it’s infused with something new, something true).
Which is why a piece from long ago can touch each new generation with the same intensity as the one before.
It isn’t just the sounds.
The visuals.
The words.
The hype.
It’s the energy it was sourced from, that carries it along, as if no time had passed at all.
When something is alive, you feel it.
And when it’s not, you don’t.
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If the experience or person doesn’t arouse / activate something in you (even if it / they did a moment before), you really have no business fucking with it or them while that remains the case.
That flat / dead / boring / ‘can’t wait til it’s over’ vibe is your cue that:
a) it’s / they’re not for you in this moment
b) you’re also not for it / them in this moment (so you’re off the hook) and…
c) you said YES to a NO (or you wouldn’t have even gotten to the point of waiting for it to be over) which does absolutely nothing for you or the other, no matter what excuse you’re using to justify staying where you don’t belong (in an energetically limp dynamic because you’re not in full integrity).
You’re both better off not fucking with one another when the energy shifts.
Not only are there are plenty of other people and experiences in the cue ready to rock your world (and theirs) once you stop wasting both of your time pretending there’s something there when there’s not…
It’s also entirely possible that when you honour that (and every other) very obvious NO (towards the energy; not the person), an energetic shift will occur in the other and they’ll be ready to play a delicious new game that simply can’t be played when you go even 1° beyond your brilliant and powerful NO.
So until you take care of your side of the court, you’ll never know what’s actually possible (with every person and experience in your life) on the other side of every NO you keep choosing to ignore.
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