Going Beyond Narcissism (An Essay)

I haven’t actually counted, but I’m sure I’ve watched thousands of videos on narcissism over the past year and a half.

I find it absolutely fascinating.

Not just the subject itself, but the way it’s viewed and portrayed, and the way that content creators parrot one another, offering the exact same ‘solutions’ and conclusions —

but never actually going beyond the generic ‘victim’ / ‘abuser’ lens.

Dr. Ramani, for example.

The most generic one of all.

She still considers herself a victim.

Still blames her ‘abusers’.

Still has yet to take full responsibility for herself.

Which is perfect for those who only want to go that far.

But there is more in the beyond.

And Professor Sam Vaknin.

The one whom I adore.

The first of so much in the study of narcissism.

So perfectly and beautifully articulating the torturous binds of these hellish dynamics.

But still,

not going beyond.

He shares openly about his intimate partnerships and the ‘role’ he plays within them, accepting his fate as it were, because of his psychological (non) state.

Telling himself and his viewers there is no hope for him or others like him.

And there isn’t, of course.

Until they go beyond.

Madelain: “There’s always a way back. I agree with you.”

Francesqua: “It's a fascinating paradox that Sam presents. You need a self to go beyond and narcissists don't have one.”

Me: “Yes. And… the beyond is also free of the self. It’s just not a compensation.”

Read Sam’s gorgeous piece on Narcs and Borderlines

Schedule The Elite Retweak or Leave A Tip

Peep Mandy Bites on Narcissism

Browse The Archives

Don't Get Tricked By The Flashing Lights (An Essay)

“We’ve only just begun.”

“Now more than ever…”

“In these challenging times…”

No.

The same shit has been going on, and will continue to go on, for eons.

There is nothing new or groundbreaking or ‘worse than before’ happening.

Except to you / your mind / that mission-based and externals-believing self.

The ‘new’ that you perceive is your own increased awareness.

The lens getting clearer.

You’re seeing through more and more and it feels revolutionary,

(and you position it as such)

but it’s not.

It just is.

And it was before you,

and it will be after you.

The truth has been here this whole time.

Schedule The Elite Retweak or Leave A Tip

Explore the Mandy Bites Collection

Browse The Archives

The Energetics of Dysfunction (An Essay)

When you deliberately play at the energetic level,

when you see beyond the veil and make your moves from there,

you have the ability to look at all things / situations / dynamics retroactively - before you caught on to what you always knew - and you understand exactly what was going on.

You can pinpoint exactly when and why you or another deviated from truth, and the natural / inevitable consequences of that choice.

Everything just makes sense.

And when you ‘get’ the ‘energetics of dysfunction’ as it were,

that generate and and keep any toxic / twisted system / dynamic in place,

(which at the most fundamental level is just the deviation from truth)

you can no longer be surprised by anything that happens in the world / between humans / at an individual level.

Because it’s all the same.

And it’s a given that things would unfold exactly as they did and do,

based on the black and whiteness of energetic truth.

Schedule The Elite Retweak or Leave A Tip

Explore Mandy Bites on Truth

Browse The Archives

Clean + Dirty Narc (An Essay)

The ‘narcissist’ is the inversion of truth.

They are a void.

But not a clean one.

The void is compensatory.

They don’t care about you.

But not in a clean way.

The lack of care is compensatory.

They are selfish.

But not in a clean way.

The selfishness is compensatory.

They use things and others.

But not in a clean way.

Their using is compensatory.

And…

when someone IS a clean void

when someone truly doesn’t care (about illusions / matter / appearances / the false, self-victimized you)

when someone IS ‘selfish’ (self-sourced / unwavering / in energetic integrity / true move-making, regardless of others)

when someone uses ALL things and people (to sharpen, to erect, to deepen and purify)

they appear narcissistic

to those still bound by themselves

Schedule The Elite Retweak or Leave A Tip

Peep Mandy Bites on Narcissism

Browse The Archives

The Beautiful Thing About Narcissistic Abuse (An Essay)

The beautiful thing about ‘narcissistic abuse’…

(hear me out - and quotation marks because on the deepest level it’s not abuse of any kind - it’s a self-generated invitation to MORE)

is that it fundamentally changes you.

In that it propels you even more deeply and fully into YOU.

Into your power.

Into actual truth.

If that’s what you choose.

Stripping you of all the illusions / delusions that once brought and kept you dancing with the devil at the expense of yourself —

a choice you actively made.

The ‘narcissist’ wasn’t your kryptonite.

They didn’t hold any real power to derail you or your life.

It was everything that surfaced through your dance with them that was truly holding you back.

* that part *

And it was there looooooong before you two ever met.

The ‘narcissist’ was just the vehicle through which you could see your blind spots more clearly and if you were up for it — correct them accordingly.

This so-called monster was nothing more than an interchangeable player in your game because let’s face it…

If it wasn’t THAT ‘narc’ it would be another ‘narc’ until you learned what you needed to learn.

Until YOU changed.

Not them.

Because it was never about them.

And what they did or didn’t do was never about you, either.

Schedule The Elite Retweak or Leave A Tip

Peep Mandy Bites on Narcissism

Browse The Archives

Welcome The Narc (An Essay)

You’d be much better off viewing the presence of a ‘narcissist’ in your life as a good thing.

A great thing, in fact.

Especially if they’re still ruffling your feathers.

They are here to show you yourself.

To show you precisely where you’ve veered from who you are and where you’ve yet to stand in your power.

(Your pretty feathers couldn’t get ruffled by an energetic toddler otherwise)

They are the messenger - and a powerful one at that - brought into your life by YOU, my friend,

to bring all of your shit to the surface

to be trampled on even more

until you’re forced and ready to do your work.

They aren’t the villain.

They simply exposed you — to you.

They electrified you.

Crucified you.

Which then erected you to your natural state.

So let a ‘thank you’ follow the ‘fuck you.’

If it weren’t for them,

these devilish friends,

you’d still be (energetically) weak.

Schedule The Elite Retweak or Leave A Tip

Peep Mandy Bites on Narcissism

Browse The Archives

A Mighty Fine Loss (An Essay)

If you weren’t trying to outsource from another what you can only provide for yourself,

you would not have ended up in something that hurts you.

You would not feel betrayed.

Or believe yourself to be a victim.

The good news is that the part that hurts isn’t the real you anyways.

The pain is from the illusion / attachment being shattered (as it should be and needed to be).

And from facing the reality that only you can ‘save’ yourself (come into full power) — instead of depending on someone or something else to enable and feed your (perceived) powerlessness.

‘Losing’ the delusion that someone else is responsible for how you feel, for where you are, for what you chose / choose, for what comes next…

is a mighty fine ‘loss’ and the greatest gift of all.

Schedule The Elite Retweak or Leave A Tip

Peep Mandy Bites on Narcissism

Browse The Archives

The Internal Holocaust (An Essay)

What was brought to the surface through the internal holocaust that is ‘narcissistic abuse’…

was already buried deep inside of you before this creature appeared.

That vacuous energy,

that disordered little ghost,

the one that had you spinning out of control…

held no real power or ability to generate a thing inside of you;

let alone something brand new.

Its existence in your field simply provided the exact configuration to rattle the cage you were already in.

And its mission was to do that until you finally let yourself out.

The ‘narcissist’ didn’t put or keep you there.

You were being shown precisely where you were already.

In a cage you had built yourself.

You were being faced with a level of density you’d been contending with all your life; albeit unconsciously, through the one(s) you chose to dance with as you died to each (illusory) piece.

If anything, you had entered a house of mirrors.

Waging a war with what you thought was ‘out there’.

But in reality,

the war,

and the hell,

was (already) within.

Perfectly out-pictured through ‘abuse’.

Schedule The Elite Retweak or Leave A Tip

Peep Mandy Bites on Narcissism

Browse The Archives

The Narcissistic Invitation (An Essay)

The ‘narcissist’ was the symptom.

The actual ‘problem’ was you.

The problem was your orientation towards yourself.

The problem was what you were not yet conscious of.

The problem was that you were looking outside instead of in.

Which isn’t actually a problem.

It’s just an opportunity.

And it was the ‘narcissist’ that hand-delivered it to you.

Serving you up to yourself until you finally got it right.

Until you saw yourself clearly and naturally moved accordingly.

Until you took all the responsibility you were handing over to another.

Until you stopped blaming others for what you were doing to yourself.

Sure, they were ‘using’ you for ‘supply’.

So what?

You were using them to become greater.

They were the catalyst that catapulted you into the stratosphere of genuine power.

If, and only if, you were smart enough to do the work.

So…

The ‘narcissist’ was never the problem.

They were the gift.

The invitation.

The initiation.

Into you.

Schedule The Elite Retweak or Leave A Tip

Peep Mandy Bites on Narcissism

Browse The Archives

Your So-Called Emotional Needs (An Essay)

Do you understand how insane it is to need / ask / require / expect / teach a fellow adult to meet your so-called ‘emotional needs’ at all, let alone in whatever way you imagine they need to be met?

How silly it is to praise said adult for adjusting their behaviour in order to cater to the parts of you that still feel small / are energetically limp?

The parts you’re asking THEM to maneuver around instead of dealing with them yourself.

How you’re admitting, just by doing this, that you would rather your partner consider you before themselves, and to do a dance around your dysfunction in the ways that have been clearly spelled out.

Instead of wanting them just to dance.

Instead of doing the work yourself.

Schedule The Elite Retweak or Leave A Tip

Explore Mandy Bites on Love

Browse The Archives

Undercover Narc (An Essay)

Only the powerless feel the need to deceive.

To hide, to perform, to resort to secrecy.

To control, to manipulate, to exploit and to take.

To maintain something false, no matter what is at stake.

And only because they’ve (temporarily) forgotten how powerful they actually are, and mistakenly believe they must swindle the world to get what they actually want.

But what’s rightfully theirs already exists.

Beyond the need to fabricate a thing.

Schedule The Elite Retweak or Leave A Tip

Peep Mandy Bites on Narcissism

Browse The Archives

It's Harrowing (An Essay)

“It’s harrowing”…

to drop the mask

to face yourself

to have nowhere to hide

“It’s harrowing”…

to admit what you’ve done

to run from yourself

to keep trudging along

“It’s harrowing”…

to keep up the act

to now watch your back

to now be exposed

“It’s harrowing”…

to be what you are

when what you’ve become

is so far from home

Schedule The Elite Retweak or Leave A Tip

Peep Mandy Bites on Narcissism

Browse The Archives