“The meeting between the narcissist and his victim is a meeting of two hungers. The victim is hungry for love and intimacy and acceptance, and the narcissist is hungry for existence. The narcissist tries to become through the victim. The narcissist tries to exist through the victim. But the sad irony is that the only way for the narcissist to exist through the victim is to abscond with her existence. And the only way for the narcissist to become through the victim is to deny the victim her own becoming. And on the other end of the equation, the only way for the victim to obtain love from the narcissist is to stop being. To not be. And the only way for her to maintain intimacy with a narcissist is to become as much of an absence as he is. And this is the predicament and the conundrum of the shared fantasy. It is a meeting of two irreconcilable and incompatible hungers.” Sam Vaknin