Essays
Most would rather have another cater / adapt to their dysfunction(s) / delusion(s) than to do the work necessary to correct it themselves.
And most would rather do that for another,
to avoid their own discomfort
of having to take that same level of responsibility
for their own deficiencies.
#letsstaysmalltogether
#fillinthegapsifyouloveme
#thatswhattheycalllove
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Thoughts don’t create reality.
Thoughts, like all things, are just matter.
And matter has zero impact / influence on truth aka the ultimate reality.
Truth exists,
always was, is, and will be,
regardless of the noise.
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it’s the dreamy feeling
of having
zero
expectations
needs
hopes
desires
just wanting
and loving
what is
and what isn’t
because it’s perfect
it’s accurate
it’s complete
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It’s not my job to wake people up.
It’s my job to be, and remain, awake.
Regardless of who’s sleeping.
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The ‘thing’ about a diagnosis / label…
is that it’s a thing.
Which exists only as a concept / ‘reality’ on the level of form.
But beneath and beyond that, is the actual truth.
Free of all concepts / ideas / illusions of constraint.
Free of the need to attach meaning to things.
And free of the necessity to label such things.
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When I wasn’t interested in working with a hottie…
Her: “Even you can’t cut through this.” (all her shit)
Me: “You’re right.”
Only she can.
But she wants her shit more than she wants to be free.
What good is her working with me?
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“Hey, I ignored myself. Can you do me a solid and correct it on your end?”
What you’re actually saying to someone when you ask or expect them to change.
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She has the time.
Just not for you.
She’s in the mood.
Just not for you.
She’d do it all.
Just not for you.
Because your game is weak.
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You might use others to justify
not living as fully and as freely as you’d like,
to surrender to a sedated half-life,
but it’s you choosing that;
not them.
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People pleasers aren’t any less controlling or manipulative than those who ‘take advantage’ of them.
Both are positioning themselves, and using others, to get their artificial needs met.
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One must abandon themselves in the attempt to ‘fill’ through external means what can only be satisfied internally through learning how to not self-abandon in the first place.
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Whatever the addiction / compulsion is makes no difference.
It’s only ever about one’s relationship to their own power.
Which is perfectly demonstrated / out-pictured through
their relationship to,
and their experience of,
said substance or behaviour.
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oversharing
or overanything
even underanything
if we get down to it
is an attempt to ‘empty out’
to release
the increasing pressure
of an overloaded system
which feels vastly different
from the over and under
of anything at all
from a system that’s clean
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when your energy is intact
there is nothing you need to hold
nor would you even want to
nor could you if you tried
everything comes and goes
it passes through unobstructed
nothing is held in the moment
free from everything
always new
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I don’t feel tethered to anyone.
Not even to my own child.
And if you can’t understand how this can be,
and how this is the highest expression and experience of true love and ultimate freedom,
we should talk.
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we are two planets colliding
getting smashed to smithereens
and when the damage is done
there is s p a c e
and in that space
we recalibrate
shocked and startled
once again
neither knowing what’s to come
from the rubble left in our wake
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Peep Mandy Bites on Narcissism
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if it didn’t destroy me
if parts of me weren’t forced to die
repeatedly
and quite potently
through the is-ness of he and i
there’d be no pull for me to stay
not with him —
but with all that arises
through the mutual destruction
our interactions bring
this alone is what interests me
because i’m interested in what disturbs me
and throws me off my game
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I do the opposite of what they say to do
With a man
As a woman
Whatever the fuck that means
I am sharp
Not soft (and I am — very)
I challenge everything
Until there’s nothing
(an inside job — read more)
And as he’s said…
I’m relentless
Unyielding
Exacting
Demanding
Militant
Trenchant
Mercurial
And yet…
He’s still here
Right here
Closer than most will ever be (his words)
To me
To themselves
To heaven
To another
Precisely because I do the opposite of what they say to do
With a man
As a woman
Whatever the fuck that means
Why would I be less me for anybody?
The more me, the better
For everybody
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He and I are so damn close.
Again tonight,
brought to tears.
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if you wouldn’t choose it again today
and again right now
if the slate was clean
(it is)
then there’s a reason
you’re choosing to overstay
and that reason is not truth
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