I’ll leave myself to meet you there.
You’ll do the same for me.
vs
I’ll stay right here.
You’ll stay right there.
We’ll dance in the inbetween.
Or not.
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Essays
Beneath Your Egoic Conditions (An Essay)
when you
want it
need it
expect it
demand it
even just ask for it
when you feel entitled to it
deserving of it
as if it was owed to you
when you’re keeping score
playing tit for tat
requiring life to meet your egoic conditions
you’ve forgotten who and what you truly are:
an immense power that generates
each perfectly curated piece
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Human vs Being (An Essay)
Human: runs from the present / dwells on the non-existent past / fears the illusory future / perpetually resists what IS (and suffers because of it) / consistently holds back truth / avoids making the true move / believes things, others, and life need(s) to be a certain way in order to feel okay / creates and then lives within endless, baseless, utterly insane stories / denies its sovereignty / blames the world and others and pretends to be a victim / takes zero responsibility for the creation and quality of its own experience / looks out instead of in…
Being: “And you wonder why you feel like shit?”
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You're Not Doing The Work (An Essay)
in Energetics, Makin Moves, Essays
if you only do the work when you feel like it
when it’s easy
comfortable
convenient
when the results are fast and guaranteed
then guess what?
you’re not actually doing the work
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Happiness Isn't My Goal (An Essay)
I don’t care about or strive towards feeling happy.
I’m here to feel ALIVE.
Uncomfortable.
Powerful.
Present.
To immerse myself in whatever I touch.
To exist fully, naturally, joyfully, deeply.
Which includes so much beyond (and also includes) those ephemeral moments of happiness.
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Filling In Another's Perceived Gaps (An Essay)
You only try to fill in the (perceived) gaps for another when you forget that they are sovereign, just like you.
And you can only forget another’s sovereignty when you have forgotten your own (cue a false sense of superiority) which is the only reason you’d ever feel the need to over-reach in the first place.
Your discomfort with where another is choosing to be at (yes, choosing - there are no victims and no one needs saving) generates your over-extension in an attempt to relieve yourself of said discomfort which actually has nothing to do with what the other is or isn’t doing / seeing / getting in that moment.
This is what feeds your desire to change / correct what’s being presented to whatever you deem better / more ‘evolved’ than what they’re currently choosing for themselves,
which inevitably breeds resistance and stagnation; not clarity and movement, because the energy of your so-called help is tainted aka sourced from a false premise to begin with.
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The Drive Towards Addiction (An Essay)
It’s the inability to withstand the intense aliveness of being that drives the impulse to dilute or run from it, just as the inability to withstand it drives the impulse to seek that same jolt of aliveness through superficial means.
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The Daddy Thingy Of Addiction (An Essay)
in Energetics, Addiction, Convos, Essays
From a recent text chat with my cyber bestie…
Kristen: “People believe they are the thingy.”
Me: “Yes.”
Kristen: “Which is the problem with identifying as an addict because it says I am my thingy.”
Me: “Yep.”
Kristen: “And people with the biggest thingys are often the ones who are most potent.”
Me: “Exactly. They wouldn’t need a thingy so big if they weren’t so powerful.”
Kristen: “But shame is a whole thing, too. Shame is the core thing. It’s the Daddy Thingy.”
Me: “Yep. And the being doesn’t carry shame at all. It’s just another thingy to fuel all the other thingies.”
Kristen: “And things need space held for them.”
Me: “Yep.”
Kristen: “Which eats up space / power.”
Me: “Yep.”
Kristen: “Hungry thingys.”
Me: “Yep lol”
Kristen: “Insatiable thingys.”
Me: “Feed all the thingies!”
Kristen: “lol”
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Escaping Through Addiction (An Essay)
in Energetics, Addiction, Essays, Convos, Linked
“I think of my addiction as escapism and I’m curious about your thoughts on that.”
Being energetically intact (operating from our innate power) is our natural state.
And it’s glorious.
So what’s to escape from?
We only feel the need to ‘escape’ when we’re existing unnaturally.
And addiction is the perfect way to ineffectively ‘manage’ the discomfort of that inner deviation.
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The Innocence of Addiction (An Essay)
in Energetics, Addiction, Essays, Zero Point
There is a purity,
an innocence,
and a very clean desire
at the heart of every addiction / compulsion.
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Retreat Or Get Burned (An Essay)
I bring people to the razor’s edge of themselves.
What they choose to do with that after the fact is entirely up to them.
If they can’t withstand their fire,
they’ll retreat to what is known.
But if they’re truly ready to be set ablaze,
they’ll burn until nothing remains.
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The Thread That Never Breaks (An Essay)
It’s not about me doing whatever I want, whenever I want (and it is).
Just blindly and haphazardly doing whatever I feel like, as if my existence is, and my moves are, at the whim of these ever-changing feelings and superficial desires.
No.
It’s about doing what I know needs to be done, based on my own internal commands (the innate brilliance of my being) regardless of how I feel or how it appears, and even when I don’t understand why I’m doing or not doing it.
Which one might assume takes effort since listening and obeying is foreign to most.
But when your true devotion is to the inner whisper that reconfigures itself in each moment, it doesn’t feel like effort.
It’s a given.
There is no other way.
It would take effort (and be impossible) for me to deviate from what’s actually required of me in a moment just to settle for what’s preferred.
I don’t prefer less than what’s required.
So in that sense, yes, I do whatever I want, whenever I want.
Because what I want is to live and move from the core of myself with an exacting level of integrity.
Which can appear inconsistent on the outside because the consistency (and the priority) is within.
It is a thread that never breaks.
And the reason I move as I do.
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Catching Feelings (An Essay)
Her: “But what if their moves affect me?”
Me: “Then you’re allowing yourself to be affected.”
Another’s moves aren’t the reason you feel the way you do.
That would imply that the external is more powerful than you are (it’s not),
and that you didn’t generate this exact feeling and circumstance yourself (you did).
The other’s moves are just what you point to and use, to justify your inability to harness your power.
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You Earned This (An Essay)
Whether you like it or not, you’re getting exactly what you’ve earned energetically.
And…
You can change what you’re ‘getting’ right now.
By doing the work where it counts.
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Everyone is The One (An Essay)
The idea that there’s a ‘right’ one implies there could ever be a ‘wrong’ one.
Impossible.
Every being you’re dancing with is the ‘right’ one.
The most accurate and divinely prescribed one.
For precisely where you are.
Just like every moment of life.
The current moment / relationship / circumstance / configuration and all that it’s comprised of, contains exactly what’s required of / for you to clear each board as the next board takes its place.
The players may change but this truth remains the same in the customized game created solely by you.
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No Reassurance (An Essay)
Him: “I know you’ll never give me reassurance.”
And why would I ever need to?
What IS speaks for itself.
He spoke of wanting something more solid.
Saying he knows he can’t ask or expect that of me.
And yet…
I’m as solid as can be (energetically).
He can always count on ME.
But his human wanted something concrete.
In the physical world of make-believe.
Where nothing is solid.
Where security can’t be found.
Not in a thing.
Not in another.
Just in the space one cannot claim.
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Walkie Talkie (An Essay)
“You’re the only person I know who walks their talk. Completely.”
The loveliest thing to hear.
And the result of doing the work.
Not just sometimes.
All the time.
With everything and everyone.
I’m relentless when it comes to my game and those I choose to play with.
No one gets a free pass.
Exceptions aren’t made.
Least of all for those I’m closest to.
Because doing the work and living in truth is the most loving thing I can do.
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Breakups Aren't Necessary (An Essay)
Breakups don’t break what needs breaking.
Being the living truth breaks what needs breaking.
Moves what needs moving.
Recalibrates every piece.
People break up in the physical because they don’t yet know how to cut cords in the non-physical.
They’re trying to do ‘out there’ what they’ve yet to accomplish ‘in here’.
Thinking that rearranging ‘those’ things will inevitably take care of ‘these’ things.
It won’t.
Those things will remain messy things until you’ve cleaned up all these things.
Which doesn’t mean ‘stay together’ (even that’s not ultimately real).
It means there’s no need to contrive an end.
The separation / split you seek happens of its own accord through energetic truth (integrity); not through an intellectual decision or an emotional reaction.
There is absolutely no way you can be in complete integrity (which almost no one is) AND be in a dynamic that requires severing something in the physical.
From that erect place you can and will still apply any true move, which may of course include a physical separation.
But the work and the break is done in the unseen.
The rest follows suit quite naturally.
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Relationships Don't Need Work (An Essay)
Relationships don’t need to be ‘worked on’.
Nor do they require any level of sacrifice.
It’s not necessary.
Or energetically sound.
The vibe of trying,
reaching,
abandoning
(even just a little)
for or because of another…
kills the potency (and purity) that makes every dynamic thrive.
‘Working on’ the relationship by focusing on and considering the other inevitably creates an energetically limp (attached / codependent / diluted) experience for both parties, despite how intense this dysfunctional bond might feel.
It’s a poor facsimile of the pure fire you actually crave that only comes from never leaving home.
From working on THIS; not that.
Because THIS is all there is and that will adjust accordingly.
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Dreamy Billionaire (An Essay)
Last night I dreamed I won billions in a lottery and it didn’t feel any different than how my life feels with him in it.
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