I’m sure I’ll be what’s considered ‘single’ for the rest of my life.
I’m not made to be in what most would view as a ‘relationship’, no matter what I’m experiencing with another (or others).
How could I ‘commit’ to a fellow human (insane).
To anything of this world.
My devotion is to my own evolution.
And to the truth of the moment I’m in.
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While talking with the fellow about our recent ‘disconnect’ (which is not how I experience it; it’s just truth being played out moment to moment):
Me: “You felt like I left?”
Him: “I never felt like I had you in the first place. You’re a mystery to me.”
Me: “Well, no one’s ever ‘had’ me. But you’ve had more of me than most.”
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You get what you say YES to.
So don’t say YES to a thing.
Keep saying NO to all that’s not IT.
A living dream is all that remains.
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While talking about his previous dynamic…
Me: “Why did you end things?”
Him: “I couldn’t feel her.”
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Kristen: “Will it break him if you don’t see him again?”
Me: “I don’t care. I don’t think of it. I just go scene to scene.”
I know how my detachment appears.
But attachment isn’t natural to the being.
It’s lodged in a story of some sort.
Meaning.
Matter.
Past.
Another.
It’s not that I don’t care about other people or what they go through.
It’s that I don’t care how their human is affected by me being Mandy.
I don’t take another into account when I make my moves.
Why would someone else have anything to do with what I know I must do?
Shall I factor in everyone I know and the world at large while I’m at it?
Give me a fucking break.
If something breaks, then good.
It clearly needed to be broken.
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He reminds me of a Leonard Cohen quote.
“You go your way. I’ll go your way, too.”
He moves with me seamlessly.
Effortlessly.
With nothing in-between.
A dance so quiet, so tender, so natural, so close.
So light.
So pure.
So empty.
So free.
Little is spoken.
Yet everything is said.
“Mine.”
“Yours.”
Here we are.
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You do it from the ground up.
From the inside out.
Not from the top down.
From the outside in.
You get to the zero point.
The purest point.
And create the MORE from there.
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It’s the empty vessel I’m after.
Limitless.
Bottomless.
Free of all constraints.
Willing to destroy himself,
so he can meet me here.
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We were on the phone for three hours last night.
Half of which was spent in silence.
All of which was spent in heaven.
“This is the purest thing I’ve ever felt.”
I told him I felt the same.
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“Either I’m going to have to dial down my depth and connect with someone in a shallow state, or not connect at all.”
The fellow on why he can’t vibe with most people.
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I keep topping previous scenes without effort because I actually leave them when the inevitable shift occurs.
I don’t drag them on or try to recreate them.
I don’t require more than the masterpiece at hand.
I simply enjoy what my being orchestrated.
And when IT ends,
I’m gone.
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The foundation must be a stand alone work of art.
Made of the rawest materials to fashion each piece.
What you add after that is irrelevant.
Every drop will be sourced from truth.
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Graduation night of my first DIVA course in Cambridge, Ontario.
GODS followed after.
DIVA: Divine Individuals who Value Authenticity
GODS: Gentlemen of Divinity
My second business (2007-2011)
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In both Masterclasses over the weekend, we got to the ‘Zero Point of Money (And All Things)’ cuz I meant what I said.
There were no questions left.
All the spots had been hit.
Because when you get to the very bottom / core / depths and truth of it…
it’s so fucking simple, clear and obvious.
Nothing remains.
And the true game begins.
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“The more you see through, the less interest you have in what you see.”
(A Mandy Bite I shared on Facebook)
Her: “And then what? I feel this in my soul.”
And then…
You let there be nothing of interest to you.
The more you’ve yet to touch will come directly from that.
The more you’ll never touch when return to what’s not true.
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my NO with him only adds to the turn on
without that being my incentive to honour it
all i know in a moment is not this
what he does with that is not my business
not my ‘problem’
not a consideration at all
and yet
what he’s done with each zig and zag of me
has been heavenly
so dreamy
and
as i continue to ride each edge
making the entrance point more narrow
more pristine for the god in me
what awaits me on the other side of that perpetual sharpening
is the more that can’t be tasted
the more that can’t be felt
were i to choose to just deny myself
and abandon what is true
and it’s that whittling down to nothing
that refusal to stay where it’s false
that devotion to truth in each moment
(no matter what happens as a result)
that creates a vortex for the ALL
the ALL that can’t be named
the ALL beyond my wildest dreams
the ALL that’s sourced from NO
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