Makin Moves

“How Do I?” is Sourced From A Lie (An Essay)

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“How do I?” is sourced from a lie.

It implies that something is wrong / lacking and clearly needs fixing.

You think you need to lose the weight / make the money / get the partner / overcome the condition (whatever the fuck) to feel / be / do / have A, B, C.

But you don’t.

Be HERE.

Right NOW.

And do whatever you’re being called to do in each moment.

Illusory problem(s) solved.

But because you can’t handle the beauty and simplicity of being present in the moment,

or the responsibility of both listening to and honouring your innate brilliance,

or the potency of the fire that comes from being THAT close and devoted to YOU regardless of externals,

and you’re hell-bent on fighting against what IS because of your idea of, and preference for, how it ‘should’ be,

you take the long and completely ineffective way around the truth and power of who you are.

Any attempt to ‘fix’ what’s inherently not a ‘problem’ in the first place, cannot be sustained because it’s both sourced from, and being overlayed with, a fallacy.

Creating an endless loop of shit that never does the trick.

You think it’s about the food / the money / the body / the babe.

But it’s only ever about you vs YOU, which shows up in all the things.

And…

When you begin to see through it,

when you get to the place where you KNOW you’re good regardless of your size / your bank account / a relationship / your health (whatever the fuck),

and you know that YOU are bigger than (and the creator of) ALL those things,

(because THAT is the absolute fucking truth)

THEN you are free from the energetic gridlock that’s been keeping all that shit stuck like a mutherfucker.

THEN you get to experience what has always been on the other side of that illusory jail you’ve kept yourself in this whole time.

But until you figure that out and get to that place,

your perfectly orchestrated externals are going to do their brilliant magic to show you that what you seek (and already are) cannot be found within any of them.

Every door ‘out there’ is gonna close until you finally open the only door that matters with the key you’ve always had.

Man, I just love how that works.

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The Other Side Of The Deepening (An Essay)

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I don’t know,

or even care about,

who or what is on the (illusory) other side of this deepening.

I don’t care who or what stays.

I don’t care who or what goes.

I don’t care who or what arrives.

At all.

I only care about being right here.

Right now.

Connected to the truth and to the pulse of ME.

Why would I leave home for anything?

All that’s for me is right here at my feet.

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Content With Less (An Essay)

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Random guy in a 9-5 he hates after asking me about what I do…

Him: “I guess I’m not your ideal client then because I don’t need someone to fuck my shit up.”

Me: “You’re not my ideal client because you’re still content working in a 9-5 you hate.”

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When You Refuse To Go Blind (An Essay)

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“But I don’t have the money.”

Who said money is even required?

If it’s for you, meaning that desire is sourced from the absolute truth of YOU, it’s not dependent on you having the money right now.

You absolutely CAN birth that desire from the ethers regardless of your current circumstance.

You’re never limited to your own bank account or bound by the laws in the physical.

You have access to ALL possibilities.

Beyond what you can even imagine.

But your devotion to the physical, to what can be seen and measured in this moment by your limited self, kills the magic on contact and reduces your options to none.

You believe that what you see is all there is, and that’s where you go wrong.

So you don’t even make your true move.

The exact move you’re being told to do that will actually dissolve the exact thing you misperceive is real.

The move that will open the floodgates to the MORE your being is pulling you towards RIGHT NOW.

The more you claim you want but aren’t even willing to step into.

Because you listen to the mind.

Because you refuse to go blind.

Because you operate within the illusion of time.

“I don’t have enough.”

“I can’t see how.”

“It must not be for me right now.”

While your whole being is screaming GO.

But since you ‘have no money’

(which is temporary)

and you have no proof

(but only externally)

you’re like NAH, BRUH.

“I’ll stay right here.

In the place I’ve always been.”

And that’s why you don’t get the thing, my friend.

You ignored yourself once again.

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Purchase You Don’t Need This Money Book

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A Little Switcheroo (An Essay)

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As of late, I’ve been floating further away from form.

And last night it became clear that the platform / vehicle through which I was intending to showcase my upcoming collection, was no longer a fit.

Any sense of restriction,

containment,

management,

anything based on time…

any reliance on another or a thing in any way…

feels too dense / too heavy / too cluttered for me.

I need things as light and seamless and Mandy as can be.

And…

I’ve created so much art and beauty this year.

So much went on behind the scenes.

So much that’s been waiting for the perfect home.

I can’t wait to bring you up to speed.

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The Players Are Interchangeable (An Essay)

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Even as I write about men,

it’s not about them specifically.

How could it be?

They’re my very own creation.

Birthed from the core of me.

And the quality of my experience with them (or anything else in my life) is never about, or dependent upon, them or another.

The dynamic is impersonal.

The players are interchangeable.

Because it’s all just energy, baby.

Who and what’s being presented as I play my own game, is never about the specific person or thing.

They’re just the vessels through which I explore Mandyland.

The playground that has no rules.

And every single piece,

I’ve orchestrated for myself.

Brilliantly.

Effortlessly.

Whether I like what I see or not.

I’m curating all of it — no exceptions — to sharpen the blade of me.

Which is why even in the midst of this beauty,

I’m not attached to any of it.

I don’t ‘hope’ it continues.

I don’t believe this is as good as it gets.

Because I know that the energetic quality,

the purity of me and all that I create,

is increasing constantly.

Exponentially.

There’s always more for me.

And I know that all I ever have to do is be Mandy,

just Mandy,

for life to shape itself beautifully,

seamlessly,

around,

within,

and through me.

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It Needed To Be Broken (An Essay)

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Kristen: “Will it break him if you don’t see him again?”

Me: “I don’t care. I don’t think of it. I just go scene to scene.”

I know how my detachment appears.

But attachment isn’t natural to the being.

It’s lodged in a story of some sort.

Meaning.

Matter.

Past.

Another.

It’s not that I don’t care about other people or what they go through.

It’s that I don’t care how their human is affected by me being Mandy.

I don’t take another into account when I make my moves.

Why would someone else have anything to do with what I know I must do?

Shall I factor in everyone I know and the world at large while I’m at it?

Give me a fucking break.

If something breaks, then good.

It clearly needed to be broken.

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The Refusal To Stay Where It's False (An Essay)

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my NO with him only adds to the turn on

without that being my incentive to honour it

all i know in a moment is not this

what he does with that is not my business

not my ‘problem’

not a consideration at all

and yet

what he’s done with each zig and zag of me

has been heavenly

so dreamy

and

as i continue to ride each edge

making the entrance point more narrow

more pristine for the god in me

what awaits me on the other side of that perpetual sharpening

is the more that can’t be tasted

the more that can’t be felt

were i to choose to just deny myself

and abandon what is true

and it’s that whittling down to nothing

that refusal to stay where it’s false

that devotion to truth in each moment

(no matter what happens as a result)

that creates a vortex for the ALL

the ALL that can’t be named

the ALL beyond my wildest dreams

the ALL that’s sourced from NO

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