Lovers

It Needed To Be Broken (An Essay)

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Kristen: “Will it break him if you don’t see him again?”

Me: “I don’t care. I don’t think of it. I just go scene to scene.”

I know how my detachment appears.

But attachment isn’t natural to the being.

It’s lodged in a story of some sort.

Meaning.

Matter.

Past.

Another.

It’s not that I don’t care about other people or what they go through.

It’s that I don’t care how their human is affected by me being Mandy.

I don’t take another into account when I make my moves.

Why would someone else have anything to do with what I know I must do?

Shall I factor in everyone I know and the world at large while I’m at it?

Give me a fucking break.

If something breaks, then good.

It clearly needed to be broken.

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He Moves With Me Seamlessly (An Essay)

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He reminds me of a Leonard Cohen quote.

“You go your way. I’ll go your way, too.”

He moves with me seamlessly.

Effortlessly.

With nothing in between.

A dance so quiet, so tender, so natural, so close.

So light.

So pure.

So empty.

So free.

Little is spoken.

Yet everything is said.

“Mine.”

“Yours.”

Here we are.

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The Refusal To Stay Where It's False (An Essay)

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my NO with him only adds to the turn on

without that being my incentive to honour it

all i know in a moment is not this

what he does with that is not my business

not my ‘problem’

not a consideration at all

and yet

what he’s done with each zig and zag of me

has been heavenly

so dreamy

and

as i continue to ride each edge

making the entrance point more narrow

more pristine for the god in me

what awaits me on the other side of that perpetual sharpening

is the more that can’t be tasted

the more that can’t be felt

were i to choose to just deny myself

and abandon what is true

and it’s that whittling down to nothing

that refusal to stay where it’s false

that devotion to truth in each moment

(no matter what happens as a result)

that creates a vortex for the ALL

the ALL that can’t be named

the ALL beyond my wildest dreams

the ALL that’s sourced from NO

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Dripping Like Honey (An Essay)

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he joked that i’m grooming him to be my submissive

which i loved

because although i’m not doing anything but being me

free of an agenda

and no requirements of another

(just a fine attunement to what turns me on and an unwillingness to play elsewhere)

the natural consequence of that for someone who is open to

and turned on by

my natural way of being

is submission (my heaven)

which feels as delicious to my system as it does to theirs

and…

from the very first scene

i was dripping like honey

from the energy of us

it was potent and true

it was pure and uncontrived

the most erotic dance in the world

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Sex vs SEX (An Essay)

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in the middle of the night

he and i had a lovely conversation about sex

and not surprisingly

based on how we met and how things are unfolding

we share a similar view on play

sex (penetration) for the sake of sex

hits no true spot

but the experience of SEX

that has no beginning, no middle, no end

that may or may not include penetration

that may or may not include touch or a release

that is not marked separate from a ‘non-sex’ event

(because it’s alllll SEX, baby)

that is where the magic is

that is what arouses more than a particular position or body type

than a pre-determined set of preferences

than a vibe of ‘this worked on her last time so i’ll just do that again’

because SEX is a dance in the NOW

(Peep the Mandy Bite)

so you can’t bring a (past) thing with you

nor can you aim for something else

you must make each move from exactly where you are

without leaving where it’s fresh and alive and new

without ever leaving YOU

because true SEX is beyond the physical

the body is just the vessel through which you play

endlessly

truthfully

fluidly

to more

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Aim Directly And You'll Miss (An Essay)

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it’s not about going after the money or the person or any thing directly

there’s no real power in an outsourced move

because when you focus on the moveable

the changeable

the malleable (illusory) thing

it prevents you from doing the only thing

that has the power to move ALL things

(keeping the focus on YOU, with each and every move)

but when you make your move

because it’s true

regardless of the money or the other

you ‘get’ who and what is made for you

you always get what’s true

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Their Wack Vibe Doesn't Justify Yours (An Essay)

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Another person’s wack vibe or move doesn’t justify or have anything to do with your own wack vibe or move that you misperceive is ‘because of’ or ‘in response to’ their supposed wackiness.

Your shit is YOUR shit.

Your vibe is YOUR vibe.

Your move is YOUR move.

No matter who or what you think is influencing it.

Deferring to the external or to another is a choice.

Elevating another above yourself is a choice.

Trusting another over yourself is a choice.

Not making your true move right now because of whatever the fuck you think matters more than that, is a choice.

There are no victims here.

You are fully responsible for taking care of your own side of the court.

Always.

And blaming another / using them as your excuse for your decision to abandon yourself, ain’t the vibe.

Owning that you left home and returning to where you belong, IS.

(Although we’re never not HOME; except through misperception)

You don’t even need to take your transgression up with the other (unless that’s the true move) because it was never about the other in the first place.

You did that all on your own.

You were given a perfect opportunity to choose truth, to choose YOU, regardless of who or what was in front of you, and it felt safer / easier / more acceptable / less vomit-inducing not to, so you didn’t.

So what.

Choose again.

That was then and you’re here now.

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Your Being Discerns Only This (An Essay)

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your being can’t discern between people

between situations

between actions

nor does it exist in ‘time’

your being can only distinguish and respond to the current vibe (quality of energy)

in each person

in each situation

in each action

right now

and that energy can shift in an instant

which is why

in the land of energetics

nothing is personal

or permanent

because all things are equal

no matter how it appears

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