Makin Moves
You can feel when you leave yourself for another.
And when they leave themself for you.
The tainted stretch of self-abandonment is palpable.
It feels sticky and icky and gross and not right.
If the energy was a visual, you’d see how unnatural and misshapen it looks.
How unattractive it is.
And how messy and distorted things become when one chooses not to remain in their power.
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doing something
anything
for or with a person
because you feel guilty or pressured
because you feel bad / sorry / pity for them
because you think they need saving
because you believe it’s your job to ‘help’ them
because you can’t withstand their pain
because ‘it’s just what you do when…’
is not pure
it’s not love
it’s an ulterior motive to ‘get’ something from the experience
(validation / purpose / worthiness / love / security etc)
and to alleviate the tension inside of you
for your own comfort; not theirs
but when you do something
anything
for or with a person
because it is what you truly want to do
knowing that no one needs saving
knowing that you’re not here to ‘help’ through contrived, measured, self-serving, pat-on-the-back receiving, recordable / postable actions and mindless obedience to the status quo…
but through the raw truth of your being and your devotion to the pulse of YOU
(and nothing is more ‘helpful’ than that)
knowing that another person’s pain is not bigger than you
or them
and that it’s not a problem to be fixed
at all
knowing that what you do or don’t do in any given moment is perfect
despite appearances
regardless of convention
no matter how another perceives it
simply because it’s what’s true right now…
then it is clean
then it is love
because it doesn’t require you or another to abandon / shrink / dilute / change / over-extend a thing for the ‘other’
or to maintain the delusion that such a thing is required to show love or to be loved in the first place
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If you spent just one day ONLY doing what you’re naturally moved to do in every single moment,
NO.
MATTER.
WHAT.
Then you would know how to live.
For the rest of your life.
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Dissatisfaction comes from not playing your game at the level you’re here to play with the people you’re here to play with.
It’s your cue that you’re hanging out on a grid that can’t possibly hit your spot.
Because it’s not meant to.
Shrinking and denying who you are and refusing to go where you’re being led should feel uncomfortable and squishy as fuck because it’s not the natural order and it’s not befitting of you.
You are meant to feel the frustration and restriction of choosing something that’s not even close to what you’re capable of enjoying and creating right now.
So jump.
And keep jumping.
No need to stay stuck in the mud.
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seeking < being
healing < being
trying < being
thinking < being
striving < being
hoping < being
changing < being
BE.
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If Energetics and Self Mastery are your jam, you can now explore ‘The Energetics Collection’, my curated list of gems from the past 6 months that never made it to my blog until now.
Many of them have been back-dated to match the date I originally posted them on Facebook, although some of my favourites were brought to the front of the date line.
From ‘The Electric Tone Experiment’ to now, with many more gems to come, ‘The Energetics Collection’ is devoted to what I love the most.
Explore the full archives here.
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In a world of people pleasing, ‘courtesy’, and playing pretend, those who are unwilling to be fake are often seen as rude.
Lacking tact.
Heartless, even.
Truth isn’t the culprit here.
It’s the belief that it needs to be repressed to ‘protect’ others from who we really are, and to ‘protect’ ourselves from their response to who that is.
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If you experience euphoria when and because something happens,
you’re just as susceptible to feeling its opposite in equal measure when and because something else happens.
Because your feelings are based on what happens.
And what happens changes all the time.
Which means your emotional state changes all the time.
So what happens becomes your Master.
And you get a new Master every day.
Maybe even every hour of the day.
But events are not your Master.
People are not your Master.
Feelings are not your Master.
You are the Master of you.
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Deliciousness happens when you move towards the tension.
Power.
Ecstasy.
Freedom.
Truth.
Yet most people do everything they can to avoid it.
It’s dangerous.
It’s uncomfortable.
It’s all too much.
Better to stay safe, comfortable and small than to actually leap into the unknown.
Better to complain.
Better to be bored.
Better to stick with what doesn’t work.
At least there are no surprises there.
Better to blame others,
the government,
the past,
the moon,
for all that’s going wrong.
Better to light up than to feel the tension.
Better to pour one than to feel the tension.
Better to binge than to feel the tension.
Better to overwork than to feel the tension.
Better to act powerless than to feel the tension.
Better to avoid that person, that call, that truth.
Better to lie, to hide, to cheat, to stay.
Better to just remain in the illusion that all is okay.
Anything is better than standing in one’s full power,
in the truth of each moment,
in the endless tension that it brings.
Anything is better than that.
Until it isn’t.
Then you just stop caring.
All the fucks? Gone.
Making others comfortable? Done.
Caring what they think? As if.
Risking it all? No such thing.
There are no risks.
There's nothing to lose.
There's only truth.
There’s only YOU.
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I used to think self-mastery meant to be void of feeling.
To exist as a robot in the flesh.
But it is to feel even more deeply,
even more purely, than ever before.
It is to feel things that most wouldn’t feel under similar circumstances.
Which is why you appear so strange.
Instead of crumbling,
instead of anger,
instead of fear,
you feel calm.
Nothing can hurt you.
Lessen you.
Scare you.
At all.
Because you know that nothing is bigger than you,
and therefore,
nothing has the power to truly affect you.
Not just because you’re a god in the flesh,
but because you can see clearly now,
which allows you to pierce each illusion.
And the more self-mastered you become,
through the perpetual dismissal of,
and the seeing through,
all that is false,
the clearer your vision becomes.
The cleaner your channel becomes.
And what remains is pure, potent energy.
Existing freely.
Just like YOU.
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She is a Dominatrix in all areas of her life.
With only one exception.
To the energy within,
she freely submits.
The world; she owns.
By IT; she’s owned.
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well...
a couple hundred journals of mine
spanning over 25 years
have now left the building
i just watched them get picked up
get compressed
and taken away
along with the stories
the past
the process
the pain
(and whatever else those treasures contained)
no ritual went along with this task
no tears have been shed (as of yet)
just a decision tonight
to lighten the load
and this post to say farewell
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You want me to join you in the ‘real’ world.
Yet you won’t join me in the REAL world.
And the difference between you and I,
is that I don’t care if you join me here or not.
You, on the other hand, are hell-bent on recruiting.
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With two friends:
I take a pic of friend #1 since she and the background look perfect together.
Friend #2 sees the pic, loves the pic, and tells me to do the same for her.
I tell friend #2 that’s not how art works.
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Self-Mastery is the process of getting kicked out of the nest repeatedly.
There is no settling into it.
There is no once and for all.
There is only this moment
and how you choose to meet it.
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The difference between how you and I experience my Facebook page:
You: Scroll through one day of posts and can’t believe how much there is.
Me: Scrolls through one day of posts and can’t believe that was only yesterday because it feels like a year ago.
By the time I click post, I’ve already left the once-in-a-lifetime cocktail of energy that generated the post in the first place.
It no longer exists.
So then I’m in a new moment with a fresh, new vibe.
And so I post from that one, too.
You see back-to-back posts.
I experience a moment.
Then I move on to the next, unburdened by the last.
And here I am ‘again’ to you.
But for me, it’s all brand new.
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