He and I don’t talk about the energetics.
We live them.
He doesn’t read a word I write.
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Essays
False Protection (An Essay)
In a world of people pleasing, ‘courtesy’, and playing pretend, those who are unwilling to be fake are often seen as rude.
Lacking tact.
Heartless, even.
Truth isn’t the culprit here.
It’s the belief that it needs to be repressed to ‘protect’ others from who we really are, and to ‘protect’ ourselves from their response to who that is.
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Who's Your Master? (An Essay)
If you experience euphoria when and because something happens, you’re just as susceptible to feeling its opposite in equal measure when and because something else happens.
Because your feelings are based on what happens.
And what happens changes all the time.
Which means your emotional state changes all the time.
So what happens becomes your Master.
And you get a new Master every day.
Maybe even every hour of the day.
But the ultimate truth is:
Events are not your Master.
People are not your Master.
Feelings are not your Master.
You are your Master.
If you choose.
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Anything Is Better Than This (An Essay)
Deliciousness happens when you move towards the tension.
Power.
Ecstasy.
Freedom.
Truth.
Yet most people do everything they can to avoid it.
It’s dangerous.
It’s uncomfortable.
It’s all too much.
Better to stay safe, comfortable and small than to actually leap into the unknown.
Better to complain.
Better to be bored.
Better to stick with what doesn’t work.
At least there are no surprises there.
Better to blame others,
the government,
the past,
the moon,
for all that’s going wrong.
Better to light up than to feel the tension.
Better to pour one than to feel the tension.
Better to binge than to feel the tension.
Better to overwork than to feel the tension.
Better to act powerless than to feel the tension.
Better to avoid that person, that call, that truth.
Better to lie, to hide, to cheat, to stay.
Better to just remain in the illusion that all is okay.
Anything is better than standing in one’s full power,
in the truth of each moment,
in the endless tension that brings.
Anything is better than that.
Until it isn’t.
Then you just stop caring.
All the fucks? Gone.
Making others comfortable? Done.
Caring what they think? As if.
Risking it all? No such thing.
There are no risks.
There's nothing to lose.
There's only truth.
There’s only YOU.
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Bypassing Clutter (An Essay)
Bypassing does exist.
If there’s clutter.
But when there isn’t, it’s energetically impossible to carry the weight of the past or of a particular experience from one moment to the next.
There’s nothing for it to attach itself to.
No stories to make it mean something.
No addiction to pain and suffering.
No delusion of being a victim.
No need to run and hide.
Clutter simply cannot exist in the void.
There’s no accumulation.
The channel is clean.
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Existing Freely (An Essay)
I used to think self mastery meant to be void of feeling.
To exist as a robot in the flesh.
But it is to feel even more deeply, even more purely, than ever before.
It is to feel things that most wouldn’t feel under similar circumstances.
Which is why you appear so strange.
Instead of crumbling,
instead of anger,
instead of fear,
you feel calm.
Nothing can hurt you.
Lessen you.
Scare you.
At all.
Because you know that nothing is bigger than you, and therefore, nothing has the power to truly affect you.
Not just because you’re a god in the flesh, but because you can see clearly now, allowing you to pierce each illusion.
And the more self mastered you become, through the perpetual dismissal of, and the seeing through, all that’s false,
the clearer your vision becomes.
The cleaner your channel becomes.
And what remains is pure, potent energy.
Existing freely.
Just like YOU.
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No Requirements (An Essay)
It doesn’t matter who stays.
It doesn’t matter who goes.
But when you make something or someone matter,
when you turn it or them into a requirement for your well-being - for your anything,
you create a chain from you to that which you’ve made matter so much.
But as you already know,
attachment isn’t love.
Requirement isn’t love.
Need isn’t love.
In fact,
the stronger the attachment to,
requirement from,
or need for
anything or anyone,
the less that love is present.
Pure love just IS.
With or without it,
with or without them,
all there is,
is love.
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Fuck Trust (An Essay)
My work has nothing to do with trust.
There is no ‘building’ it, ‘maintaining’ it, or ‘breaking’ it.
It’s all (and only) about the energy.
When it’s pure, we play.
When it’s not, we don’t.
It’s not, and will never be, about trust.
That’s what people who deny their power need to believe is necessary for them to step fully into truth.
But you don’t need to trust another.
You need to trust yourself.
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A Dominatrix To All (An Essay)
She is a Dominatrix in all areas of her life.
With all the people in her life.
With one exception.
To the energy within,
she freely submits.
The world; she owns.
By IT; she’s owned.
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All My Things (An Essay)
in Energetics, Shit Stack, Essays
I collected and organized all my things.
I felt loyal and related to all my things.
Things I could not touch or see.
Things that inevitably travelled with me.
Things I gave power and meaning to.
Things I made matter.
Things I made true.
But in the end, they were all just things.
And things only weighed me down.
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Trauma Tribe (An Essay)
in Energetics, Human Dynamics, Pain, Triggered, Essays, Convos
“And my closest friends experience it, too!”
I’m not surprised. Of course they do.
You’ve found your people.
Your Trauma Tribe.
Always helping each other to keep it alive.
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No More Journals (An Essay)
in Energetics, Pain, Makin Moves, Uncluttered, Essays
well...
a couple hundred journals of mine
spanning over 25 years
have now left the building
i just watched them get picked up
get compressed
and taken away
along with the stories
the past
the process
the pain
(and whatever else those treasures contained)
no ritual went along with this task
no tears have been shed (as of yet)
just a decision tonight
to lighten the load
and this post to say farewell
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Trusting Men (An Essay)
It’s not that you don’t trust men.
It’s that you don’t trust yourself.
You knew something was off.
You ignored that knowing.
And you stayed when you should have left.
That’s on you.
Not men.
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Real World Recruit (An Essay)
You want me to join you in the “real” world.
Yet you won’t join me in the REAL world.
And the difference between you and I,
is that I don’t care if you join me here or not.
You, on the other hand, are hell-bent on recruiting.
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No Repeats (An Essay)
With two friends in a store the other day:
I ask Friend #1 if I can take a pic because she and the background look perfect together.
Pure art. I snap the pic. Perfection.
Friend #2 sees the pic, loves it, and tells me to do the same for her.
I tell friend #2 that’s not how art works.
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Can I Be Frank? (An Essay)
“Can I be frank with you?”
Asking for permission to be honest and straightforward.
How absurd.
Both the asking for permission and the fact that you’re not normally honest and straightforward.
Why else would you need a precursor to telling the truth?
Just tell it.
Or at least replace ‘frank’ with Mandy.
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Facebook Cocktail (An Essay)
in Energetics, Zero Point, Makin Moves, Digital, Essays
The difference between how you and I experience my Facebook page:
You: Scroll through one day of posts and can’t believe how much there is.
Me: Scrolls through one day of posts and can’t believe that was only yesterday because it feels like forever ago.
By the time I click post, I’ve already left the once-in-a-lifetime cocktail of energy that generated the post in the first place.
It no longer exists.
So then I’m in a new moment with a fresh, new vibe.
And so I post from that one, too.
You see back to back posts.
I experience a moment.
Then I move on to the next, unburdened by the last.
And here I am ‘again’ to you.
But for me, it’s all brand new.
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