Essays

Distorted vs Clean Love (An Essay)

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If neither of you are in your power, it’s not pure, clean love because it’s based on illusion / need / dependency / standards / etc (aka distortions), and not on the truth of each moment / movement which can only be discerned and honoured from said place of power.

It’s a poor facsimile that doesn’t even come close to the level of intimacy experienced by two people who are truly living in integrity and are thereby (distortion/clutter) free to choose truth in every moment, regardless of the other.

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Why You Go Through Hell (An Essay)

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You can’t ignore, soften, repress or shrink who you are and live an exceptional life.

You can’t shape shift for the world each day and then wonder why you’re depressed, anxious, suicidal, bored or angry.

THAT'S WHY YOU EXPERIENCE THOSE THINGS.

That's your incredibly brilliant system telling you VERY FUCKING CLEARLY that what you think you need to do and who you think you need to be to exist in the world (and with others), is not the answer.

The answer is so fucking simple.

Be YOU. Full out.

Which is the hardest thing

(even if it’s the most natural thing)

for most people to do.

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Squeaky Clean (An Essay)

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you know how a fuck ton of clutter and chaos in your home can just ruin your vibe

how all that excess weighs you down

how all that old shit you’ve been hanging onto and avoiding for days / weeks / months / even years

feels insurmountable

limits your ability to truly enjoy your space and the treasures within it

limits your ability to actually see its true beauty

limits your ability to move freely

limits your ability to BE HERE NOW

because everywhere you turn, shit’s a hot, overwhelming mess

and all that shit takes up a majority of your attention

clouds your vision

and makes it even harder to do what you actually want to do because ALL THAT SHIT IS IN THE WAY

well…

it’s the same with inner clutter and chaos

except an inner mess can be cleaned up in an instant

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Trying To Change Another (An Essay)

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another person’s attempt to change you

their desire for you to be less self-expressed

less potent

less YOU

is nothing more than an indication

that they deeply crave to be just as self-expressed

(whatever that looks like for them)

but instead of choosing that for themselves

(which they can do at any time)

they try to diminish it in you

(like they’ve been doing to themselves)

to cope with the pain of that perpetual self-denial

that excruciating and ever-present pain

of rejecting

and denying

the fullness of who they are

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The Stretch of Self-Abandonment (An Essay)

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You can feel when you leave yourself for another.

And when they leave themself for you.

The tainted stretch of self-abandonment is palpable.

It feels sticky and icky and gross and not right.

If the energy was a visual, you’d see how unnatural and misshapen it looks.

How unattractive it is.

And how messy and distorted things become when one chooses not to remain in their power.

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The Ultimatum (An Essay)

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Giving someone an ultimatum (an attempt to control, and get your (perceived) needs met through, another) is a misperception that something external to you must change before you can feel a particular way, or do a particular thing, instead of owning your own power and operating / choosing / speaking from there.

This counterfeit method of getting what you think you want will not get you what you actually want (not even close… or even possible from that place), even if the other person chooses to put you before themselves and surrenders to this energetic manipulation.

What you seek and are reaching for is inside of you.

It has nothing to do with another.

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Clean Love (An Essay)

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doing something

anything

for or with a person

because you feel guilty or pressured

because you feel bad / sorry / pity for them

because you (mis)perceive they need saving

because you believe it’s your job to ‘help’ them

because you can’t withstand their pain

because ‘it’s just what you do when…’

is not pure

it’s not love

it’s an ulterior motive to ‘get’ something from the experience (validation / purpose / worthiness / love / security etc) and to alleviate the tension inside of you

for your own comfort; not theirs

but when you do something

anything

for or with a person

because it is what you truly want to do

knowing that no one needs saving

knowing that you’re not here to ‘help’ through contrived, measured, self-serving, pat-on-the-back receiving, recordable / postable actions and mindless obedience to the status quo…

but through the raw truth of your being and your devotion to the pulse of YOU (and nothing is more ‘helpful’ than that)

knowing that another person’s pain is not bigger than you

or them

and that it’s not a problem to be fixed

at all

knowing that what you do or don’t do in any given moment is perfect

despite appearances

regardless of convention

no matter how another perceives it

simply because it’s what’s true right now…

then it is clean

then it is love

because it doesn’t require you or another to abandon / shrink / dilute / change / over-extend a thing for the ‘other’,

or to maintain the delusion that such a thing is required to show love or to be loved in the first place

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Dissatisfaction Comes From This (An Essay)

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Dissatisfaction comes from not playing your game at the level you’re here to play with the people you’re here to play with.

It’s your cue that you’re hanging out on a grid that can’t possibly hit your spot.

Because it’s not meant to.

Shrinking and denying who you are and refusing to go where you’re being led should feel uncomfortable and squishy as fuck because it’s not the natural order and it’s not befitting of you.

You’re meant to feel the frustration and restriction of choosing something that’s not even close to what you’re capable of enjoying and creating right now.

So jump.

And keep jumping.

No need to stay stuck in the mud.

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The Richest Woman in the World (An Essay)

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I consider myself one of the richest women in the world.

And it has nothing to do with money.

True wealth is who you are.

It is the ability to experience yourself and this moment, deeply and fully.

It is to never turn away from that potency of YOU, thereby diminishing it and all the beauty that comes from it.

When you are YOU - that magical, mystical beast of pure power - it all just shows up.

Everything you need, whenever you need it.

And even more than that.

I live a lush, vibrant, opulent life.

The number in my bank account has never played a role in this.

It has never been the source of my pleasure, my joy, my freedom, my fun.

I am the source of everything I experience.

My freedom and pleasure comes from within and is never dependent on another, let alone a number in the world of make believe (money is fun but it’s a social construct just the same).

I draw delicious things to me endlessly.

Experiences I couldn’t even conjur up if I tried.

Things I never had to ‘try’ to get, to ‘manifest’, to orchestrate.

I am simply myself, in my fullness, and life organizes itself around me.

It always has, regardless of my circumstance.

This is why I have never required a lot of money to live comfortably and beautifully.

I always had what money can’t buy.

I always had that which was worth even more.

I still live better than most people I know.

Because I measure the quality and ‘success’ of my life based on my enjoyment of it, and my ability to flow with it, regardless of what happens.

I am at peace.

I am free of suffering.

I have deep, loving relationships.

I laugh and sing and dance so much.

I am relatively free of inner and outer clutter.

I spend my days as I wish.

I do what I love.

I express myself in any way I desire.

I trust myself completely.

I have it all.

Nothing is ever missing.

I’m overflowing at every turn.

I dance with each moment and I only get closer and closer to ME.

And the closer I am to who I am, the richer my life becomes.

Because that’s how it’s supposed to be.

You’re here to enjoy yourself, your life, and to play the day away - free of stress and worry and unnecessary pain.

That decadent life begins with you and only you.

And maybe a call with me.

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The Anger is on You (An Essay)

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The extent of your anger, frustration and resentment towards another, is in direct proportion to the extent you’ve compromised, denied, silenced or abandoned yourself ‘for the sake’ of said person / relationship, which was never required, but chosen, for your perceived benefit (and to your actual detriment); not theirs.

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