Makin Moves

Trying To Change Another (An Essay)

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another person’s attempt to change you

their desire for you to be less self-expressed

less potent

less YOU

is nothing more than an indication

that they deeply crave to be just as self-expressed

(whatever that looks like for them)

but instead of choosing that for themselves

(which they can do at any time)

they try to diminish it in you

(like they’ve been doing to themselves)

to cope with the pain of that perpetual self-denial

that excruciating and ever-present pain

of rejecting

and denying

the fullness of who they are

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The Stretch of Self-Abandonment (An Essay)

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You can feel when you leave yourself for another.

And when they leave themself for you.

The tainted stretch of self-abandonment is palpable.

It feels sticky and icky and gross and not right.

If the energy was a visual, you’d see how unnatural and misshapen it looks.

How unattractive it is.

And how messy and distorted things become when one chooses not to remain in their power.

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Clean Love (An Essay)

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doing something

anything

for or with a person

because you feel guilty or pressured

because you feel bad / sorry / pity for them

because you (mis)perceive they need saving

because you believe it’s your job to ‘help’ them

because you can’t withstand their pain

because ‘it’s just what you do when…’

is not pure

it’s not love

it’s an ulterior motive to ‘get’ something from the experience (validation / purpose / worthiness / love / security etc) and to alleviate the tension inside of you

for your own comfort; not theirs

but when you do something

anything

for or with a person

because it is what you truly want to do

knowing that no one needs saving

knowing that you’re not here to ‘help’ through contrived, measured, self-serving, pat-on-the-back receiving, recordable / postable actions and mindless obedience to the status quo…

but through the raw truth of your being and your devotion to the pulse of YOU (and nothing is more ‘helpful’ than that)

knowing that another person’s pain is not bigger than you

or them

and that it’s not a problem to be fixed

at all

knowing that what you do or don’t do in any given moment is perfect

despite appearances

regardless of convention

no matter how another perceives it

simply because it’s what’s true right now…

then it is clean

then it is love

because it doesn’t require you or another to abandon / shrink / dilute / change / over-extend a thing for the ‘other’,

or to maintain the delusion that such a thing is required to show love or to be loved in the first place

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Dissatisfaction Comes From This (An Essay)

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Dissatisfaction comes from not playing your game at the level you’re here to play with the people you’re here to play with.

It’s your cue that you’re hanging out on a grid that can’t possibly hit your spot.

Because it’s not meant to.

Shrinking and denying who you are and refusing to go where you’re being led should feel uncomfortable and squishy as fuck because it’s not the natural order and it’s not befitting of you.

You’re meant to feel the frustration and restriction of choosing something that’s not even close to what you’re capable of enjoying and creating right now.

So jump.

And keep jumping.

No need to stay stuck in the mud.

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False Protection (An Essay)

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In a world of people pleasing, ‘courtesy’, and playing pretend, those who are unwilling to be fake are often seen as rude.

Lacking tact.

Heartless, even.

Truth isn’t the culprit here.

It’s the belief that it needs to be repressed to ‘protect’ others from who we really are, and to ‘protect’ ourselves from their response to who that is.

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Who's Your Master? (An Essay)

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If you experience euphoria when and because something happens, you’re just as susceptible to feeling its opposite in equal measure when and because something else happens.

Because your feelings are based on what happens.

And what happens changes all the time.

Which means your emotional state changes all the time.

So what happens becomes your Master.

And you get a new Master every day.

Maybe even every hour of the day.

But the ultimate truth is:

Events are not your Master.

People are not your Master.

Feelings are not your Master.

You are your Master.

If you choose.

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Anything Is Better Than This (An Essay)

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Deliciousness happens when you move towards the tension.

Power.

Ecstasy.

Freedom.

Truth.

Yet most people do everything they can to avoid it.

It’s dangerous.

It’s uncomfortable.

It’s all too much.

Better to stay safe, comfortable and small than to actually leap into the unknown.

Better to complain.

Better to be bored.

Better to stick with what doesn’t work.

At least there are no surprises there.

Better to blame others,

the government,

the past,

the moon,

for all that’s going wrong.

Better to light up than to feel the tension.

Better to pour one than to feel the tension.

Better to binge than to feel the tension.

Better to overwork than to feel the tension.

Better to act powerless than to feel the tension.

Better to avoid that person, that call, that truth.

Better to lie, to hide, to cheat, to stay.

Better to just remain in the illusion that all is okay.

Anything is better than standing in one’s full power,

in the truth of each moment,

in the endless tension that brings.

Anything is better than that.

Until it isn’t.

Then you just stop caring.

All the fucks? Gone.

Making others comfortable? Done.

Caring what they think? As if.

Risking it all? No such thing.

There are no risks.

There's nothing to lose.

There's only truth.

There’s only YOU.

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