Essays
well...
a couple hundred journals of mine
spanning over 25 years
have now left the building
i just watched them get picked up
get compressed
and taken away
along with the stories
the past
the process
the pain
(and whatever else those treasures contained)
no ritual went along with this task
no tears have been shed (as of yet)
just a decision tonight
to lighten the load
and this post to say farewell
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It’s not that you don’t trust men.
It’s that you don’t trust yourself.
You knew something was off.
You ignored that knowing.
And you stayed when you should have left.
That’s on you.
Not men.
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You want me to join you in the “real” world.
Yet you won’t join me in the REAL world.
And the difference between you and I,
is that I don’t care if you join me here or not.
You, on the other hand, are hell-bent on recruiting.
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With two friends in a store the other day:
I ask Friend #1 if I can take a pic because she and the background look perfect together.
Pure art. I snap the pic. Perfection.
Friend #2 sees the pic, loves it, and tells me to do the same for her.
I tell friend #2 that’s not how art works.
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“Can I be frank with you?”
Asking for permission to be honest and straightforward.
How absurd.
Both the asking for permission and the fact that you’re not normally honest and straightforward.
Why else would you need a precursor to telling the truth?
Just tell it.
Or at least replace ‘frank’ with Mandy.
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The difference between how you and I experience my Facebook page:
You: Scroll through one day of posts and can’t believe how much there is.
Me: Scrolls through one day of posts and can’t believe that was only yesterday because it feels like forever ago.
By the time I click post, I’ve already left the once-in-a-lifetime cocktail of energy that generated the post in the first place.
It no longer exists.
So then I’m in a new moment with a fresh, new vibe.
And so I post from that one, too.
You see back to back posts.
I experience a moment.
Then I move on to the next, unburdened by the last.
And here I am ‘again’ to you.
But for me, it’s all brand new.
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