I Left As I Arrived
The perfection of last night…
I left in the same amazing state I entered in.
There he was just a few feet away from me.
I found the (energetic) ‘timing’ so funny.
My current state + him specifically.
And to my absolute pleasure and surprise,
I was completely unaffected by his presence.
Nothing was activated.
And I remained completely open.
Meaning,
if he had approached me to talk,
there would have been no resistance.
Not because I wanted to talk,
but because I didn’t not want to talk.
I didn’t have a preference for anything other than what was going to unfold naturally.
I felt no need to brace —
nor intervene.
I was just amused.
Curious.
HERE.
Over the next couple of hours,
with both of us on the dance floor,
a space so small you could see everyone at a glance,
I remained fascinated by my unshifting internal state.
I didn’t feel any type of way about him or about our past experience.
Everything just stayed so quiet inside me as I moved through the space and the moments naturally —
leaving early to go to my favourite place,
and arriving there just as I always do —
Fully intact.
Juxtapose that to last year when he approached me at an event after having not seen one another in a year and a half.
I froze.
I stayed for an intense conversation that left me rattled and confused.
I showed up to my favourite place afterwards feeling so off.
So very affected by the encounter.
And it took me until the next evening to restabilize.
But…
The impact and beauty of that specific experience,
is that it dissolved the remains of what once kept me hooked and looping.
Because although I was temporarily back ‘in it’ after having been ‘out of it’ for so long, I had ‘new’ eyes that were not seeing through the same lens that put and kept me in that position in the first place.
I was seeing things as they are
and seeing him as he is (for now)
and I was like WHOA.
Then I was like NO.
And after that,
that was that.
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