It has been a teary day. Some very happy tears this morning when I got called for an interview, and some sad tears tonight knowing that my love is leaving the province. Life is always offering a mix of things to face, and everything changes like clockwork. For all of us.
Paige will be leaving but I might be, too. I have just a few short months to decide if I'll be staying here when my rent goes up by a shitload, or if I'll create a new beginning elsewhere. I've been lucky enough to have ridiculously low rent for the full 12 years I've been here (a major reason I could explore entrepreneurship without too much fear), and market rent will be imposed upon me soon enough. I can accept that (I knew it was coming) and I'm grateful for how much I've been given this whole time, and I do trust that I'll be led exactly where I need to go when the time is right.
This is why a steady job has been a goal of mine as of late. This is why the position I just applied for matters. I want the freedom to choose my future and not be left without an option. I don't want to be forced to leave. I want to leave, or stay, of my own accord.
In the past month I have been preparing for a move without even knowing if I'll be moving because it really depends on a job and my heart and on timing.
My goal has been to have my place ready no matter what comes. To have only what I need in case I need to leave quickly. And to have done my emotional work with the contents of my basement (the remains of mom's things) before the next chapter begins. Getting there.
Friends have suggested I get a roommate when the time comes to help with the rent increase, but I think I'd rather poke my fucking eye out than share my living space with someone else. I require so much quiet and solitude in my life, as did Paige. I'd choose a smaller place and a regular job before I'd be willing to consider allowing someone to live in my home or increase the level of work I do with Too Good Triangles (I've found my sweet spot with it and have zero desire to do more in that area), so for now that's the direction I'm going. Maybe my mind will change through a sacred experience that I've yet to consider, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there.
I love and hate the thought of moving. I love my home so damn much. The city. The location. My forest. My beach. But I also love the thought of a brand new chapter in a brand new space. Of downsizing because I genuinely don't require a helluva lot. Of moving to my favourite city (Waterloo), but I don't know. Because I need space for my kitties. I need nature to surround me. I need the quietest of atmospheres to thrive and create. And I finally have an amazing neighbour who basically doesn't exist (a welcome change after my neighbour from hell), and I simply don't want to give up all the beauty and abundance I already have unless it's for something equal or better.
Time will tell. I'll be taken care of no matter what. But in the meantime, I'm scared. But I'm also excited and open. I believe great things await. How could they not? It's just hard not knowing for sure what to do or what's ahead. But that's the essence of life. That applies to all of us. We can only face each moment as it comes.
P.S. Read Amber Long's beautiful response to this post here.
DO I ADD LIGHT & INSPIRATION TO YOUR DAY?
Please consider leaving a tip in any amount.
Your financial high five means so much.
Read why here.