Vulnerability is strength. And it's beautiful. You are not weak for expressing your heart to another - even if it's not reciprocated. So many people want to be in control, especially with matters of the heart, but the truly powerful people are those who are real and risk exposing themselves emotionally. That takes courage. That takes self-awareness. And it takes some confidence, don't you think?
I had a love recently tell me she regretted sharing her feelings with a fellow after her heart was met with a heartless response, and in the aftermath of that disappointment she wished she had just remained "in control" aka silent about her feelings and frustrations - all of which were valid and a long time coming, in my opinion.
"I just wish I hadn't told him any of my feelings that day. I could have ended it in control."
That was the text I received. And this was my response:
"Well I'm glad you did because it was necessary to express in case he had it in him to be more evolved. You needed to find out. It was all valid and true and beautiful. Don't let his inability to honour you properly make you feel less for having and expressing real feelings that he helped to create with false hope, moments of connection and then disconnection. It's really ok. I understand what you mean but you were at where you were at and that's perfectly fine. Everyone wants to be in control. But the truly powerful people are those who are real and risk being vulnerable."
She agreed and felt better about her decision to lay her heart bare. And I loved that she finally spoke up and stood up for herself. Many people remain silent for far too long. Whether or not this man was able to receive her expression is irrelevant (except to her heart of course). But ultimately I think we're better off speaking our truth than holding it in. Is anyone really winning if no one is saying a word?
I personally don't have the ability to remain silent about what I think, want, need and feel, whether online, with friends or with men (this comes with its own set of troubles, mind you - and I'm pretty lucky that people put up with me), but I wanted to share this story because it really makes me happy when others (re)claim their power, express their truth and finally say yes to themselves.
I'm also hoping that this piece offers a few sprinkles of encouragement for those who currently have something eating them up inside.
It might be time to say what needs to be said.
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