I knew massive transformation would be the result of finally dealing with my mom’s things.
It has now left ample space for me to deal with the immense grief and anger I’ve carried for so long but could not adequately deal with because I had to find a way to cope with all that came with my troubled life... namely, my mother and also the sexual abuse that she knew about and allowed to continue.
Now I’m getting to the root of all my suffering. It’s a wonderful place to be even if it’s not that comfortable.
I can’t say enough about the Curable app and how it has awakened things in me. How it’s piecing things together so beautifully for me. How it feels like a FUCK YES each time I get more information on how past emotional pain transforms into current physical pain.
Dr. David Clark via Curable shared this passage below and I just had to share it as well because maybe there is someone on my list who needs to read this as much as I needed to hear it:
(With regards to how chronic pain can manifest decades after a childhood trauma...)
“The process begins with treatment of the child that makes them feel like a second rate human being that impacts their self-esteem in a negative way, and typically also creates emotions like anger, fear, shame, grief, guilt that typically get repressed and remain repressed for many years.
(Often those people become perfectionists, or incredibly compassionate and very helpful, which as an adult is really welcome and celebrated...)
So when these people get a lot of positive feedback from the world, in general that support gradually improves their self-esteem and they start begin to feel like they are much better people than they were when they were children.
Eventually they will reach a point where they think, “You know what? I’m actually a pretty decent person and these terrible experiences I went through as a kid were really not my fault and not something I deserved.”
And often that is the point where it also starts to stir up some of those repressed emotions. Because the more positively you think about yourself, inevitably the more you recognize how badly mistreated you were as a kid and those negative emotions start knocking on the door.
But you’ve got years and years of skills at repressing them. So if those emotions have no way to reach your conscious awareness because of that repression, if they have no way of being put into words, they end up being expressed in your body.
The more you put them in to words, the less they need to go into your body and that’s what results in the relief of your symptoms.”
This is everything to me right now.
Even at the chiropractor today - when he worked with my body he couldn’t believe how much pain and tension was there and how much was out of balance.
At one point he asked me, do you have stress in your life? And my response was, “My whole life has been stressful.” And then he asked about my past, and then I shared and I cried. And he knew 100% just like I did, that I’ve been carrying that stress in my body for decades.
I’m crying as I share that, but I’m also so happy because it makes so much sense. Everything makes sense to me right now and I know that I am healing beautifully and I will be pain-free.
I know this next step is about me truly feeling all the things I couldn’t feel when I was younger because there was no space or support or safety for that.
I feel like I’m reclaiming my life right now. I can’t express how grateful I am to no longer have my mother impacting my life like she has for so long, even all these years since she passed because I was the one left with everything she owned.
And now I am free of that. And one day in the near future, I will be free of my pain.
With love and happy, healing tears,
“This is beautiful...as are you.” Melissa Hammell
“With all you’ve carried, your brilliant light has still managed to shine. Wow Mandy! And thanks!” Krista Armstrong Kreutner
“Release and relieve. “Angella Russell
“To freedom🥂” Robin Waters
“Enjoy your relief!...You are a survivor!...Bad days may still appear but at least we are better equipped to deal with them...understanding one's self, giving one's self permission to just be, and forgiving one's self are all in regular practice once one has this type of awakening. Hold on to this moment - it may waver from time to time - but you will be just fine.” M'Lady Stagg Storch
“I am sitting with you holding your hand. I would wrap a comfy blanket around your shoulders & listen if I was there. Im here to remind you so that you never forget, your so very loved so very precious so very special so very wonderful inside out. You are worthy more than the sun,moon stars. I so happy you are here blossoming & growing & being so strong & brave. Im proud of you Please know, I will remind you as much as you need. I love you Beauty my heart is with you.” Michelle Ruthven
“Winning. Looks good on you. I know too many people who really need to read this.” BJ Del Conte
“Wow thanks so much for sharing. Saved this post.” Leslie Vanderwelle Bolduc