Today's win: I said no to Paige's freshly baked chocolate cupcake loaf thingies. She calls them muffins but she's wrong.
Why did I say no? Because I reeeeeally want to lose weight (well, the feeling of excess - I don't care about actual numbers) and that starts with curbing my sugar addiction. Again. And again. And again. And again.
I've gone sugar-free a few times over the years (the most recent round was last fall), and I've never gone past 30 days because that was the end of my goal, but now I'm considering an extended, or maybe even a life-long version of it.
I happily binged on ALL THE THINGS while in Cambridge recently (I went home for 4 days and was fed like a queen), but I want to switch gears and get back to a size I feel comfy with. That's not too far away.
My additional inches and pounds are acutely felt and certainly not enjoyed, but I know I don't look much different than I did 3 months ago. What matters is how I feel. And I don't feel at my best. I feel heavier than I want to be.
Even if I don't look like a whale, I feel like one at a certain point of overindulging for far too long. And the past few months have included countless sugar binges. Mostly daily. Sometimes a few times a day. I'm talking 3 chocolate bars / whole cake at a time kinda binging.
We all cope with life in different ways.
If I could consume sweets like a normal person, none of this would be a problem. Sugar isn't the devil in my books. The issue is the amount and the frequency I consume and it's not healthy and it leads to weight gain and bloating and a number of other things my body would do better without.
It's also a sub-optimal way for me to deal with stress or sadness or overwhelm because it soothes those feelings temporarily, but then creates shifts in my body that make me feel even worse.
I noticed my intake went through the roof while I was coping with the 9-5 (I was so miserable throughout that experience), and I just never pulled it back after that. Binging became a habit.
I tried to be compassionate with myself during that time and gave myself permission to do whatever it was I needed to do to feel ok. I chose sweets even though I don't love the taste of chocolate for the most part, but I love the feeling it gives me.
Sugar is a drug. We all know that. But not everyone consumes it in excess.
I was dealing with a lot and I was doing my best to make it through each day. And I knew that once I was out of the situation and started to feel a bit more happy, I'd naturally return to balance.
That took longer than planned. And my body results are in and after not liking what I'm seeing and feeling for long enough, it's time for me to be more mindful of the sweet stuff. I know my natural size by the way I feel, and I know I'm only a few short months away from returning to it.
All I need to do is not binge on sweets day after day.
Moderation is key as they say, but when have I ever been moderate. I'm pretty extreme. It's either one or the other for me. Sugar or no sugar. Those are my choices.
All in or all out because a little bit leads to a lot in Mandyland.
So here's to my first "no thanks" to sugar in quite a while. I hope there will be many more as I make my way back to my comfy body spot.
With love and no cupcakes and a hand-written list of 89 reasons this decision is beneficial for me,
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