Lately I've been searching for a term that encapsulates the way I operate romantically and otherwise, because non-monogamy or polyamory doesn't quite hit the spot.
Relationship Anarchy (defined at the bottom of this post) comes the closest but I still may come up with my own term. Here is the gist of where I'm currently at though:
My primary relationship has always been and will always be with myself, so explaining to others why I'm "single" is hard, because I feel deeply committed to myself and that IS a relationship; the most important one for me. I don't ever actually feel "single", as if someone were missing from my experience. I feel awesome and fully myself each day.
Sometimes my awesomeness is shared with other awesome humans but that's not more valuable than my solo awesomeness. It's just an extension of life's goodness and I appreciate it when it comes but I'm just as fine when it's absent.
No one can top what I can offer myself, but others can most certainly add to the beauty and depth and fun of my life with their presence in it.
I welcome all manner of awesome humans into my sphere, but I get to pick and choose who and what goes on and to what degree. I always do what feels best and safest and loveliest to me and I expect others to do the same for themselves.
I intend to remain "single" aka happily in love with myself for life unless I have a change of heart and want to add another human to my "primary" category (my favourite man comes the closest because he's the only person in my life that I connect with every day but even that could end in a day so I don't place too much on it), so I'm on dating sites and I meet people a lot when I'm out because me being committed to myself doesn't mean there isn't room for other dynamics if they feel wonderful in some way, and single to me doesn't mean that I don't have yummy things going on that fit just right in their own way in my life - I always do - but I don't necessarily have a word for those things, and it certainly doesn't always mean they're sexual.
They are unique to themselves and they are simply part of the whole that is my world, and each chosen dynamic means something very special to me.
I hand-select and actively cultivate what I consider the richest of experiences for myself each day, and I am always current and honest with those I'm involved with.
I'm all about free love and fluid interactions based on resonant energy and genuine connection instead of gender or sexual orientation, and I'm really into non-conventional and non-committed relationships (I do respect monogamy but doubt I'd ever choose that for myself), and sex is not a huge motivator for me in the first place so when I do connect with someone, it's for reasons far beyond that one aspect.
I don't share my body freely despite my many delicious rendezvous on the dance floor because as a sapiosexual (another term that resonates), I kinda need a helluva lot more than just bumping and grinding to want to be with someone intimately.
I don't think we need labels, ultimately, but it is nice to identify with something that makes sense to you and puts words to your personal experience.
Anyways, my friend, Armel, sent me this RA definition today after I shared with him that I was on the hunt for a term that fit me. I had never heard of Relationship Anarchy before, but the description below is the closest I've come so far to describing my natural tendencies, and I'm sharing it because I love it and maybe someone else will resonate with it as well.
"Relationship anarchy (abbreviated RA) is the practice of forming relationships that are not bound by rules aside from what the people involved mutually agree on. If a relationship anarchist has multiple intimate partners, it can be considered as a form of polyamory, but distinguishes itself by postulating that there need not be a formal distinction between sexual, romantic or platonic relationships.
Relationship anarchists look at each relationship (romantic or otherwise) individually, as opposed to categorizing them according to societal norms such as 'just friends', 'in a relationship', or 'in an open relationship'.
The relationship anarchy movement has its roots in the free love movement of the 20th century, which in some forms rejected the idea of monogamous marriage, seeing it as a form of social and financial bondage. [Source]
Thank you for reading my heart.
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