Last night I sent out my Mandyland newsletter (and my TGT newsletter) to invite my subscribers to my "Toodle-Loo" party this Wednesday.
I woke up to an email from a woman who hasn't spoken to me for well over five years now - maybe six - for reasons I'll never know.
And her daughter, who was also a dear friend at the time, followed her mother's lead and dropped out of my life completely at the time. Loyalty, I assume, as nothing had transpired between us to warrant it.
I was never clear on why that happened. I did ask directly when they stopped talking to me but all I got was silence. Their response was to defriend me on Facebook and never speak to me again.
Until today. It was an email filled with love and blessings and personal confessions but no answers and no explanation as to why she cut me out like that.
I wasn't aware that she was still on my email list. I wasn't aware that she had been following my writings all these years.
And now I'm told there is nothing but love in her heart towards me. Nothing but beautiful memories of our time spent together.
But I was never told why she did what she did because, as she wrote, to her it no longer matters why things happened as they did.
I do notice that people are feeling inspired to reconnect with me now that I am leaving.
People who didn't take the time or make an effort before now. People who want to make things right.
I have mixed feelings about that.
On the one hand, I respect and admire anyone who puts themself out there. Who seeks resolution. Who risks rejection and takes a chance. Who dares to be vulnerable in front of another. Who tries to make things right after things have gone wrong.
One the other hand, there are always two people in any dynamic, and time and silence has a way of rearranging things in one's heart.
I'm sure I'm harsher than most in that when someone has made the choice to exit my life, they are rarely, if ever, welcome back into it. Or if I am the one choosing to exit someone's life, I can guarantee there will be no back peddling.
That's not because I hold a grudge or because I can't forgive.
It's because I accept people's choices or ways of being, and I respond accordingly.
And my response to someone dropping out of my life without any explanation, is to move on. And naturally, by the time they come back around, if they ever do, that connection has already been severed and lost.
Of course there are probably a few exceptions to this.
There are times when reaching out brings nothing but healing for both people. There are times when things come full circle. There are times when a new round can begin. There are times when the words really matter.
And then there are times when they don't.
Only our heart knows. And we really can trust it.
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