Friend: “Are you gonna have sex with him?”
Me: “Why would I do that?”
Friend: “Because he’s only here for a couple days. It would be fun!”
Me: “My standards don’t change based on certain variables. I care more about my well-being than I do about getting laid.”
I don’t know who this post is for, but if a lovely lady reading this needs a reminder while getting to know someone, please always remember to check in with yourself and make choices that are in the best interest of your heart, mind, body and soul.
Casual sex is cool for some (great if you can swing it and remain emotionally in tact), but for many it’s nothing but a mess waiting to happen - and one that will ultimately take much time and emotional energy to clean up.
It doesn’t matter how cute they are or how intense the connection is (hormones aren’t the most trustworthy guides), you still have to think of yourself FIRST and think of how FUTURE YOU will feel after the fact, especially if you never hear from him again. You’re in charge of your sexuality and your choices regarding it; not him or anyone else.
Any decent man will respect whatever boundaries and timeframe you have for being intimate, but it doesn’t mean he’ll stick around after you’ve stated them. At least then you know. And if you both happen to be on the exact same page about some NSA play and you know you’ll be cool no matter what, then GO FOR IT!
A yummy, consensual make out sesh never hurt anyone. Some of my most memorable experiences in life are the times I’ve crossed paths with a delicious hottie and shared some brief moments of pleasure on the dance floor or at a party. If the vibe is right, why not?
But when it comes to sex, I don’t fuck and ask questions later. My body is sacred and it’s a privilege to explore it. Therefore, I need and want to truly vibe with, and deeply know, the explorer I’ve invited into my world.
I’m an expensive investment and a guy doesn’t get to have me just because we vibed for a minute or two. That doesn’t set him apart. That doesn’t translate to sex. Nothing was earned there; it was just enjoyed. It would take a helluva lot more time, and multiple conversations, and quality time together getting to know one another, for me to discern whether or not I would want this person as a sexual partner.
Sure I’ve done things in the past that didn’t reflect this way of thinking, but my past choices felt right at the time for who I was then. They were a perfect match. I’ve grown and changed like we all do through experience, and I’ll continue to do so with each new situation I encounter.
For me currently, having sex with someone I don’t know anything about, or someone who isn’t on my level in the ways that matter to me, or someone who’s actively seeking others to bed or has questionable sexual practices (in terms of sexual health), or someone I may never hear from again after the fact, isn’t my idea of “fun”.
Fun for me is a great vibe, a great connection, and great conversations with a passionate human who I slowly get to know over time by doing cool things together that don’t take place on a couch or in a bed. There will be plenty of time in the bedroom once the important stuff is taken care of.
Until then, I go on actual dates. You know, where our clothes stay on.
(Image: Pinterest. Artist unknown)
“This. On so many levels.” Karen Benedict
“If a man can’t respect my standards he doesn’t deserve a place in my life!” Kim Vaters
“Well said, lovely!!” Valerie Beyer
“If my heart and soul can't be truly and wholly open to someone ... neither can my body.” Andrea Woltz
“I could never take my clothes off for someone I barely know. I have MAJOR trust issues. I have to trust someone completely before I do that. I totally understand where you are coming from.” Lynda Hancock-Mcgill