I'm feeling pretty happy today, my friend. In the past few months (during winter, no doubt!) I've lost 3 inches off my waist (the only spot I tend to measure through the years). Not that anyone can tell but me, but I love it because it's been about four years since I've been this size and it feels like my right/natural size. And my glorious breasts have remained in tact! So much yay!
Let me be clear though: I wasn't "trying" to lose weight or inches. My celebration is about what this shift represents, more than about the actual shift itself. I am naturally active and healthy overall. I didn't change the way I ate or moved but I did change something else entirely. More on that in a moment.
I know that my added padding came at a time when I was dealing with a significant amount of stress, physical pain and sadness. Things were not in balance and it took me a long time to care about doing anything about it because I wasn't yet ready to change my workaholic ways. So while I slowly found my way through that lesson, my body did what it could to take care of me while I was in that state.
I believe that the body (being the natural healer that it is) does all it can to protect us, so if that means creating a layer or two of added cushioning to help soften the blows of whatever it is we're dealing with, that's what it will do. Our body expands the cocoon relative to the protection we are needing either from our own inner poisons or the toxicity that surrounds us.
Of course there are many ways to look at weight loss and weight gain, and yes food and movement and proper rest and hydration are some of the many things that support us living happily in our own body, but in this post I prefer to look at things from an energetic viewpoint.
As I mentioned in a 2015 writing, The Only Reason I Want To Lose Weight, I think we return to or retain our natural size when we are in balance. When we reduce the stress in our life bit by bit, and increase the level of nurturing and supportive thoughts towards ourself, our body tends to sort itself out naturally.
I'm not promoting weight loss here. I'm celebrating the fact that over time and through consistent self-care (primarily inwardly since I've always taken pretty good care of my body), I have returned to the size that feels most wonderful to me.
I feel like love did that. I really do.
Why? Because I truly fell in love with myself and my body AS IT WAS back in November (and even celebrated with a nude), which was a tremendous feat for me. I no longer felt like I needed to change a thing to receive my own love. I was good. Just like this. Worthy of my own love, attention, time and devotion.
Therefore, no more inner struggle. No more resistance. Just more and more love beams sent my way every day. This has changed and continues to change everything.
So here I am. Not loving myself more just because I'm a wee bit smaller (because I never want my love for my body to ever be dependent on how it looks), but loving myself more for having succeeded in loving myself at all - and doing it consistently enough to see a visible change.
I love loving what I see when I look in the mirror. It took a few decades but it was worth the wait and the journey it required to achieve this reality.
And I want to make something very, very clear...
Me loving what I see in the mirror has nothing to do with what I'm seeing in the mirror and everything to do with what I'm thinking of myself as I look in the mirror.
My face and body didn't all of a sudden become different than they had been for years and therefore I like the new look so now I can start loving myself properly. It was ME who became different - on the inside.
It was my beliefs about myself that changed. I stopped believing I was fat and ugly. I started believing I was beautiful just the way I am. That took time and incredible effort and I consistently tend to this new reality each day.
If that inner shift had not occurred, no amount of weight loss or mirror time or cosmetic surgery was going to fundamentally change my level of self-love. That part is an inside job.
If you love yourself only for how you look, you're missing the point. You are so much more than that and you deserve more than conditional self-love. Sure, love and celebrate ALL your parts! But don't stop doing that if or when they end up changing, as they inevitably will.
Love yourself just like that. To infinity and beyond!
If you think that once you lose weight then you'll be able to love yourself and your body, think again. Nothing outside of you can fix what's misaligned on the inside.
Even at my smallest, I could not love my body. At my largest (about a 20-25 pound difference), I especially couldn't love my body because I had the added judgment towards myself for having let myself get "fatter". FYI: I've never, ever been fat. That was a beautiful lie I was told growing up.
The issue was never about my body though. It was about my skewed beliefs. The ability to love yourself has NOTHING to do with how you look or what you weigh, as proven by people of all sizes loving or hating themselves. Self-love isn't size-dependent. It's a choice to see yourself with eyes of love, period.
So, my friend. If you are anything like the me I used to be when I thought I was some hideous beast, let me just comfort you by saying that 1. It's not fucking true and 2. There is a way through and 3. I've made it to the other side and so can you.
And I made it through bit by bit over an extended period of time as I challenged my own beliefs and made a decision to stop or at least reduce the thoughts that make me feel like a piece of shit, and replace them with thoughts that I wanted to believe someday.
Of course all those new thoughts felt like lies at first and for quite a while, but you can't keep telling yourself the same thing over and over without eventually believing it (as proven by your shitty thoughts) so why not apply that principle to things you actually want to believe.
You deserve to feel good every day. You deserve to love what you see in the mirror and inside your heart. You deserve a best friendship with yourself where you feel fully supported and adored, and you are the only person on the planet who can give yourself these gifts.
No one else can think your thoughts for you. No one else is with you 24/7. So make those thoughts and that precious time with yourself as juicy as can be.
Happy, more balanced, love-filled me.
P.S. Sign up here to get my newest writings, podcasts, videos and visual diaries delivered straight to your inbox each month. It's free!
DO I ADD LIGHT & INSPIRATION TO YOUR DAY?
Please consider leaving a tip in any amount.
Your financial high five means so much.
Read why here.