"You can't negotiate with someone who hates you and sees only your worst features. In fact you'll be wasting your time. No sense in trying to talk them into love when they are already judge, jury and conviction against you." Kino MacGregor
I follow @kinoyoga on Instagram and hers was the first post I saw when I checked IG this morning. She started with "Haters gonna hate." (I'll include her full post below because it freaking rocks) which made me smile because of the crap I just had thrown at me yesterday on my public page (which I deleted right away), so what perfect timing to read something that resonates so well right now.
Years ago I would engage with the "haters" thinking that if I just explained myself better they would understand my intention and see that I'm not what they're making me out to be. But no matter what I said, their words and accusations only became more cruel, twisted and confusing. I thought that talking sanely to someone would mean they'd respond sanely. It didn't happen. More ugliness appeared. And the reason why it never worked was because they weren't communicating to understand. They didn't comment to actually engage with me. Their goal was to attack me no matter what. They wanted to take a dump on my stuff and then be on their way.
So when Kino wrote the following this morning, I was like YES! YES! YES! She's taken the words right out of my mouth and heart! I love when people do that. Here is Kino's full post:
"Haters gonna hate. Don't negotiate. I've been called vapid, hollow, fake, fame-seeking, privileged, ignorant, uninformed, uneducated, intimidating and inauthentic over the last few days. Add to that a whole series of comments about my butt, feet, cellulite and age and it could be a recipe for a self-esteem disaster. Men I've never met send me pictures of their private parts on Snapchat, leave illicit comments on YouTube telling me what body part of mine they fantasize about and get mad when I don't respond and tell me to shut the "f" up and open my boobs on Periscope."
"I've thought about hiding under a rock and taking down all my social media accounts, but what good would that do? I have a "do not respond" policy to negative comments but sometimes I must admit that I get drawn in. There is a part of me that believes that everyone will respond to reason, that one day when people get to know the "real" me they'll see that I'm a good person. But lately I've come to a different conclusion. Not everyone responds to reason. You can't negotiate with someone who hates you and sees only your worst features. In fact you'll be wasting your time. No sense in trying to talk them into love when they are already judge, jury and conviction against you."
"That got me thinking about how much time I've spent in my life trying to prove to someone else that I'm a good person. I'm done with that. I'm a good person. You can see it or not. I'm not perfect and I've got my inconsistencies and faults, but I'm a good person. I know it and that's really all that matters. Be yourself. Be true to yourself. Be strong enough to take the good and the bad and not let it take you off your authentic course. Don't change to please people. Sing the tune of you with the relaxed self-acceptance that comes knowing exactly who you are and loving it." View the original post here.
What a beautiful reminder. Thank you, Kino.
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