Once again, thank you for lifting me up last night so that I could shine today, my friends! A special love beam goes to my sacred circle who got me through the previous days this week, as well as to Carmen and Sherrie for getting me to and from the interview today. It went AMAZING! (Spoiler Alert: I Didn't Get The Job)
Also, I came home to a present at my door from someone who chose not to include his or her name with the gift. A beautiful plant and a shirt with the quote, "When it's dark enough you can see the stars." So perfect. I love it! What a beautiful and tangible reminder of all the love and support I received from so many of you in my time of need, and of all the wisdom you shared when I was too hurt and scared to see clearly.
I really love tokens. Physical objects that mark a meaningful time in life. This is one of them. Whoever you are, thank you so much. It fits and feels wonderful and every time I wear it I'll feel hugged by my beloved crew.
And should another dark spell arrive, I hope that wearing this will remind me that the light is still there even if I can't see or feel it in certain moments, and that I don't have to go through my pain alone. I can reach out and ask for help - something most of us don't do from the depths because it feels counter-intuitive to reach out when all you want to do is crawl into a hole and avoid the world completely. I get it.
But for those who struggle as I do, I can assure you that there are people who want to help if given the chance, that the weight of that darkness it too much to endure alone, and that I fast-tracked my movement through it because I asked for help when I needed it. It's not easy and it took a lot for me to do - and 4 tries over the week because I kept deleting my posts right after since it all felt so raw and I felt so vulnerable and I just wanted to hide. Remain silent until it passes because that's what we do, right?
But I've done that many times before and it just prolonged my suffering. And the awareness of my upcoming interview and how important that will be for my future made me take a step outside of my comfort zone and I am so grateful I did. So grateful I put my heart and my trust in the hands of those who've loved and supported me for so long. Going public with my pain while it's happening instead of writing about it after the fact is tough for me, but now I'm all smiles as a result of doing that so YAY!
Thank you for proving to me that I have yet another sacred spot to go should things turn bleak, sweet friends. I made it up and through because of you.
All my love,
P.S. It took a few days but I finally found out which angel delivered these sweet treats. Thank you so much, Michelle!
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