Monday and Tuesday were very hard for me as I tried to figure out if I was going to continue in French Immersion.
I am now in Level 6 and I have missed so much school this term to complete The 10 Year Anniversary Edition of The Poet & The Butterfly, and on the rare occasions that I did show up, my mind was on my work so I wasn’t fully engaged or absorbing things properly.
I’ve also done zero French practice at home this term (very unlike me) because I've spent all my home time working. There was no room for French in my life, plain and simple, because all of me was focused on what mattered the most. My book.
My teacher knew this and has been wonderful about it, and last week when we were given our grammar test, I told her ahead of time that I wasn’t prepared, I did not study, and I probably don’t know half the stuff on there. In fact, I only knew how to do two sections. Sigh.
So on Monday when I received my grammar test back, which I failed horribly (33% compared to 95% last term) because I left whole sections blank, being I wasn’t there to learn the subjects, it felt like it was time to make a decision.
There are only two full weeks left of school before the exams, which means that’s how long I have to basically learn Level 6. So I wondered...
Do I continue while being terribly behind and risk failing the course or do I just call it a day and start this level over again in January? Or is now a good time to wrap things up with French for good because my current contract with Angela ends this week anyways, I’m wiped from giving my all to P&B, so maybe it’s time to go in a new direction or just take a long-ass break until I know what I want to do next.
Well, today I made my decision with the help of my teacher.
I was honest with her and told her that I was considering quitting the course today because I don’t want to fail and I don’t know if I can pull it all together in a matter of weeks, and that even though I know why I did so poorly on the test, it genuinely breaks my heart to see such a low mark beside my name because I am capable of an A, especially in grammar (my favourite part of French).
I may have teared up while sharing my heart, and she responded by pulling me out of class to discuss my situation.
She started with a hug and reminded me that my book was my priority and I did the right thing for my life, and yes the consequence of not being here is not knowing what’s going on, but I have to accept that I couldn’t do both. Now that my project is done though, I can be present and she believes I have what it takes to catch up in time and suggested I stay to finish. She also offered to help me and told me to come to her if I begin to feel anxious again.
A few hugs later, I feel 100% back in the French game and determined to learn what I need to in order to graduate this level.
What a difference a day makes. And what a difference she (Maria) made today. I really needed her encouragement and confidence in me (the hugs helped, too) and now I feel good to go.
Even sweeter, when we both returned to the classroom after our heart to heart that made all the difference in my decision, it was time for break, and I surprised the class with Too Good Triangles (which I brought as a farewell treat), and my teacher used that moment to tell the class I had published a book and it came out last week and that she’s so proud of me.
The class clapped and my heart beamed.
After all of this, we were given the sheet to indicate whether or not we will be continuing for another term (as pictured above). And possibly because of the confidence boost I received today, I’ve now decided that I will be doing the January term, and hopefully I will be in level 7 for it.
All I can do is my best.
Isn’t it funny that I went to school to quit, and left with a commitment to both this and the next level?
With love and relief now that a decision has been made,
(Read the follow up post: A Reflection On Schooling And Perfect Timing)
P.P.S. If an erotic, poetic, insightful and vulnerable real-life fairytale is your kinda thing, I invite you to explore my soul's offering, The Poet & The Butterfly Collection.