I have him in the way I've always wanted. The way I've always dreamed of.
And he is still, after many years now, the one man who continues to affect me like no other.
Yes, I'm 100% single. But I am completely taken by him. Only a few will understand this relationship anarchy.
This piece is about a fellow. And it's about me. And it's about us finally finding what works for us after a long, long, long time of trying but not quite knowing how to do that.
If you're on my personal Facebook page, you might recall me mentioning him a number of weeks ago when I was debating on whether or not to take him up on his offer to give us one more try.
Well, I decided to - on one condition.
And after an entertaining negotiation between he and I that included a team of scientists who were hired to help this man figure out just how to make and keep me happy with him each day, and me not bending even the slightest bit on what I want and require in order to say a full YES to more with him (which I have always wanted to do but couldn't until everything felt and worked just right), I now have something I've always wanted with the specific someone I've always wanted that with.
My favourite man had to make only one change on his end or I wasn't going to sign up for another round of our particular form of insanity, and he was more than willing to do that one thing if it meant another chance at us.
To be clear, I am NOT about trying to change someone. Ain't nobody got time for that. I did not ask HIM to change (I think he's quite fabulous as he is), nor do I need him to change in order for me to be happy. I'm already happy.
But if he wanted to have me back in his life, that would require him to change one thing about our level of communication since that was the only issue we ever had. And unless he could find a way to meet that requirement, then my answer would continue to be no.
So after negotiating our new terms, and to my joy and surprise, he has surpassed my expectations day in and day out, fully demonstrating that my continued happiness in this dynamic is his top priority. And if that continues, so will we. If not, I won't regret trying again because what we have right now is the best thing I have ever co-created with a man thus far.
It's light. It's easy. It's juicy. It's fun. It's consistent and ever-changing, and gives me space to just be me. So dreamy!
My willingness to commit my time and energy to someone, especially daily like he and I, is in direct proportion to the level of freedom I feel to live as my fullest and highest version of myself, and to the level of yumminess the person adds to my life.
It's really that simple.
I don't require a lot from someone, ultimately (unless complete freedom and daily adoration seems like a tall order to you), but I do require something very specific if I am to be with someone in a significant way, and he has been the only one willing and able to provide that eclectic mix of what I like...in spades.
To me, the most loving and honouring relationships are those that don't require you to be anything but who you fully are. And the people who are good for you are the ones who make you feel like you can do and be anything. He has always offered me these things. And I imagine I do a pretty great job of making him feel like the king of the world as well.
And so our new version of us has begun (we're a few weeks in) and I am now experiencing my dreamiest version of heaven with a man I respect, admire, desire and adore.
What we share isn't conventional but it works beautifully, and probably because it's outside of the norm and custom-made for us.
This is MY ideal relationship in terms of what I'm after with someone, well this specific someone, because it only enhances my days and leaves plenty of room for other forms of magic when they arise.
Every day is made richer and juicier because of him, as has always been the case (until the communication glitch would arise, as it inevitably would), and we have actually been celebrating the fact that we seem to have corrected this long-standing issue (all thanks to his team and his efforts), and we are happily enjoying the rewards of this feat.
This really is the kind of relationship that I've always dreamed of. A fully engaged "non-relationship" relationship that means the world to me, with the man whose goal it is to fit me just perfectly.
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