For almost all of my life, I have expressed myself with words (both written and spoken) as a way to sort and move through my experiences each day.
This didn't start with Facebook or my blog, but both of these things have been a great way for me to collect and share my way of processing my life, and to get feedback along the way.
It started with me.
THIS is who I am and who I've always been whether or not I had an audience or a platform for my expressions.
Just ask my few hundred journals in the basement or my old school friends who basically committed to back-to-back hours worth of talking on corded phones just so I could let it all out to sort it all out.
And trust me, I had WAY more to sort out back then than I do now.
I was a young, single mom with a toxic family that I was separating myself from, and I was dealing with the affects and the realities of both.
People who listened to me were my healers.
Those with whom I could be fully myself.
Voicing myself is how I breathe. It's how I get through. It's what I do.
I needed to be heard so that I could be understood and so that I could understand myself.
Not much has changed.
Long before you were reading my tell-it-like-it-is posts, I was tellin like it is to everyone along my path.
Those who I've been close to for years have known me as a perpetual broadcaster of everything I'm going through; both good or bad.
I CAN'T SHUT UP. This is a fact.
My old school friends can remember me leaving voice mails long enough that I'd get cut off every time. I'd fill birthday cards with words on both sides AND the back.
EVERYONE in my life that meant something special to me knew about every single thing I was going through and they were kept up to date as things shifted.
They had no choice, really. I never held back.
Same as with my personal page on Facebook. If you haven't pussied out and unfollowed me already, you have no choice but to get regular updates about what I'm thinking and doing throughout my day.
And if you think THAT is a lot, you should have seen me the first few years of Facebook.
Facebook is my spot. It is my heaven. It's where my natural tenancies are welcomed and enjoyed.
Other places, not so much.
In school (and work - even in my 30s) I always got in trouble for talking too much and/or talking back.
I always spoke my mind and didn't care what status the person had as I spoke my truth, be it teachers, bosses, family members, or men who probably weren't safe to be so vocal with.
But I can't remain silent. I can't have the universe swirling within me without letting it out or trying to use words to describe what's happening to me.
And sometimes I get myself in shit for that.
I've been fired for challenging the boss. I've been shamed and judged and shut out for challenging my family's dysfunction and speaking the truth. I've lost friends for saying what's up. I even got charged as a teen simply because of my bad attitude over something they would have dismissed had I not been a little piece of shit about it.
But I'm defiant by nature. I give zero fucks about the status quo because it causes more harm than good.
Not enough people stand up or speak out or challenge things.
Many live quietly in pain or at the hands of injustice. That's no way to live. It's not right.
I'm all about airing dirty laundry when the goal is to transmute hell.
I'm all about sharing secrets when the goal is to be free of them.
I'm all about expressing truth even when it's easier not to.
Too many of us live in an internal cage. Too many of us don't speak our truth or have someone to listen to us when we do.
So I use my voice proudly. I'm comfortable enough to let the world see into my processes because I know it helps.
I know there are times when I put words to your experiences and I know 100% that ANYTHING I choose to share will resonate with at least one person reading.
I also know that I am not alone, and that helps ME.
People have called me brave for sharing so candidly - especially about the darker issues like sexual abuse, depression and suicidal thoughts.
But I'm just being me fully and completely. I'm doing what comes most naturally.
NOTHING could stop me from offering what's bubbling up inside of me because I know it's meant to be shared publicly.
I never feel as if I'm taking a risk to share anything because I know there are people who need it and who get it and that makes it worth it.
I know that my fullest expression of myself is my greatest gift and contribution to others AND to me.
And no not everyone digs what I'm about. My family sure didn't.
But my cyber / heart family does. ❤️
I don't personally know 80% - 90% of those on my list but you wouldn't think that based on our connection on social media.
I think that's super cool.
I feel understood and loved and supported through this medium. Facebook is the only spot I share so much because it genuinely feels like home to me. It's my best friend and I always tell my best friend everything.
You all just happen to be part of this collective best friend thing. :)
Thank you for that.
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