I'm currently in love with what's going on in my world despite my initial resistance and here's why: I remembered that I actually asked for this.
Well, my higher and eternal self did.
No, I didn't ask specifically for my rent to increase. I didn't ask to be put into a position of needing to get a job outside of my home. But I asked for the next level. I asked for expansion. I asked for more of everything because I'm hungry as fuck for all of it.
And I'm currently in the process of getting that.
I didn't ask specifically to become a young, single mother. But I asked for healing from my upbringing and the experience of a healthy and loving family and lo and behold, raising Paige was the portal through which I did that.
I didn't ask specifically to be injured through overworking my body and I didn't ask for a year off of what I was most passionate about (working) so that I could heal. But I asked for proof that I had worth beyond what I do. I asked to learn that my worth was not dependent on anything that I accomplish. That it is inherent in who I am. That I am worthy simply because I exist.
I didn't specifically ask to gain weight over the years, especially because I believed I was "fat" no matter what size I was in the past. But I asked to learn how to love my body exactly as it is and I did that through learning how to love and accept my curves because clearly they weren't going away anytime soon.
And I resisted ALL of these things initially.
I did not want to become a mother (ever). I did not want to be injured or take time off of my obsession. I did not want to be bigger than I was because I already believed I was too big.
And I did not want to leave my bubble to find work.
But resistance doesn't last. It's just a natural response to changes we didn't specifically ask for, but are happening nonetheless.
In time we adjust. And in time we see that ultimately these things have been delivered to serve our truest wishes.
We can't choose or know in advance the portals through which we will grow the most, but if we're brave enough we can trust that whatever is happening is there to make us more of who are.
It's there to answer our deepest callings.
I asked for healing of my past. I asked for self-love and the belief that I'm worthy. I asked for complete transformation. I asked for a beautiful family experience.
And now I'm asking for my version of financial wealth because I'm already wealthy in every other way.
So I'm happy that my world is reshaping itself at the moment because it means there's movement towards something I really want.
And who am I to get in the way of becoming even more fabulous?
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