I had a magnificent meltdown today for more reasons than I can name here, and it's always Melanie who magically turns my chaos into order with her presence, empathy, wisdom and expanded perspective.
I feel like months worth of emotions came pouring through me this afternoon, and it made me long for my life before Montreal, before my entire world changed in every way.
I long for my comforts. My forest. My city. My people. My townhouse.
Not because I don't love Montreal. But because I'm longing for what's familiar today.
I know it will pass. Maybe it'll come and go in waves over the months or years. I don't know how it works. I've never made this kind of move before.
But even in the few short months I've lived here, I've managed to have quite a few intense experiences. The moving provinces thing. The townhouse to a couch thing. The work thing. The full time language thing. The Frenchman thing. The recipe thing.
Everything taking me so far out of my comfort zone and all within such a concentrated amount of time.
And today was the day that I drowned in my new life while wanting desperately to be rescued by my old one.
So I cried and cried and spoke my internal mess to Melanie as she pieced it all together and reminded me of how much has changed in my life and how natural it is to feel overwhelmed by it all.
I've fully immersed myself into this city from the start (it was love the first night) but it will take a while to build my own community here, to find my sacred spots here, to really feel at home here.
I'm still a newbie in transition.
For the most part, Montreal fits me like a glove. And if I fell in love with it in the winter, I fear I might self-combust from beauty overload during the spring and summer. People keep telling me of what's to come. I know I'll love it all.
But just for today, it would have been nice to have been able to teleport to another time and another place, because I would have taken myself back to my beloved forest and the beautiful home that awaited me upon every return.
With love and tears and immense gratitude for my kitties and my girl,
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