I actually love knowing that we all have our stuff.
It may show up for you in a different way than it does for me, but guaranteed we each have parts of ourselves we've kept hidden because we cannot yet see the beauty in those parts of who we are.
We cover them up with shame. We judge and make those parts wrong. We do our best to avoid them completely because they make us feel bad about ourselves and we don't know how to fix that.
I know how absurd it is to others that my struggle centres around my looks when the countless pictures of myself tell a different story (I'm forever attempting to see and appreciate my own beauty), and to those who find me attractive, they cannot understand how I'm unable to see what is so obvious to them.
But isn't that true of most of us? Are we all not a little blind to ourselves? And too hard on ourselves?
And isn't it easy to point out what's wonderful and glorious about those you love? Of course it is.
But could you honestly do that for yourself while looking in the mirror or looking within? Do you actually see and treat yourself as well as you see and treat those around you?
Probably not but it's a worthy goal.
And it's my goal. I want to see me the way others see me because it's far more loving and compassionate and generous and kind.
I want to be the most self-supporting, self-nurturing, self-loving and self-celebrating hottie in the world!
And that means facing the parts of myself that still quiver. That still hide. That still feel ugly and embarrassed to be seen.
Because those parts deserve my love, too. And they obviously need it.
And I feel like I have two choices while my shoot fast approaches. I could either completely transform myself in the next 24 hours so that I look the way I believe would deem my appearance worthy of being in a video with confidence (even if I could I'd find fault with it anyhow), OR, I can love the shit out of what I look like right now (or at least not hate it) regardless of what I wish was different (my mind is the only thing that needs changing, FYI).
Both are hard but only one is impossible.
I choose what's possible. I choose to love (well, at least not hate) me. And I choose to not let my toxic thoughts prevent me from showing up on screen.
2 more sleeps.
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