After achieving yesterday’s new level of freedom (I finally cleared out the last of mom’s things after 9 years), I intended to go dancing to celebrate because YAY! But being that I’ve been sick for a week and a half (the reason I got so much done around my home this week), I decided it would be wiser to get more sleep and I passed out by 10.
Then this morning I treated myself to a full-body 90 minute therapeutic massage for pain relief and IT WAS GLORIOUS!!!!! Sébastien at Massage NDG has magic hands and had so much great advice for me to relieve my chronic pain 💛
I slept for the afternoon and let me tell you, waking up this morning and this afternoon to my more spacious space - free of excess boxes and old memories that really don’t serve me - was/is so heavenly.
I feel like I have released generations of stuck energy. And I feel like that’s what I’ve been wading through all these years through my personal work.
If family members don’t rise up to do the work to become conscious, healed and healthy, someone will have to do it on behalf of the collective eventually.
The pain has to be transmuted by someone because it’s certainly felt by everyone and we each deserve to be free of it.
If we all did our own work to heal ourselves of whatever it is that ails is (past or present), we would be so much better off and we wouldn’t spill our pain onto those we love.
I certainly never wanted to give Paige unnecessary garbage to wade through in life so I got to work once she was born. Becoming her mother was my catalyst for transformation. I knew I wanted something better for her than I had for myself, and I and I was intent on figuring out how to do that.
I don’t love that Paige was privy to my struggles during those years, but if anything, I was real, and I was always trying to find my way through and I always took full responsibility for my junk and we always talked everything through after messy moments and we always apologized for our transgressions - and meant it.
Today I feel like a new me. That being said, I feel like a new me every day 🌺
What’s also true is that I feel like I am more me now than I’ve ever been before, which I know is something I’ll be able to say tomorrow as well and every day of my life because my passion is peeling away the layers that create a divide between who I am in this moment and who I know I truly am at my core.
I’m after freedom inside myself and everywhere else, and yesterday’s internal win - being able to face the rest of mom’s things - gives me a new level of power and freedom which is why I do all the tough things I do.
When you do the tough stuff, whatever that is for you right now, your ultimate reward is freedom. Your ultimate reward is self-mastery.
And for me, each internal win feels a lot like being in a house filled with kittens and unicorns and adorable stuffies and all my favourite foods with my favourite song on repeat, and I just look around and I can’t even believe I created my ultimate vision but I did.
And I smile and I dance and I spin around with plenty of space to do so because I’ve cleared all the clutter of my past, and even though this is the best it’s ever been in my whole life, it’s about to get even better than this.
I just know my life is about to get really, really, really good ❤️
Like REALLY good.
With love on a lovely rainy day,
“Commendable!! Enjoy your well earned peace and happiness you are full of courage and determination. I love the way you get shit done.” Wendy Ryan
“You are absolutely adorable. I’m so proud of you taking care of you honey.” Michelle Ruthven
“Mandy, you always bring me back to what is important life 😘” Gayle Jones
“I await installments of this serial adventure like a thirsty field looks forward to the rain.” BJ Del Conte