Today one of my loves surprised me with a visit. A love I barely see because she lives so far away. She made the visit specifically to tell me that I'm brave for being so naked with the world through my writings, and she gave me this evil eye protector (with an owl!) to help ward off the negative energies that are directed towards me as a result. A thoughtful and caring gesture.
And it got me thinking...
If you're bold enough to speak your mind, especially on a public forum, you're bound to ruffle a few feathers.
The more visible we become in the world, the more diverse the energy that comes our way. It can't be helped, I don't think. The wider your reach, the more that comes in. And it's not always good stuff that comes in.
But that's never been a good enough reason for me to shut up. As if I ever could.
Even with a blog, a radio show, a Facebook addiction and friends and strangers willing to listen to my endless monologues, it's still not enough. I still have so much more to say in so many different ways to so many different people and I've never once given a thought to what others might think of my expressions.
But I'd probably keep my mouth shut if I did.
I'd post less. I'd edit my shows. I'd lose sleep worrying what you think of me. I'd be in a prison that I created all by myself just to keep others comfortable. Just to avoid criticism.
But for what? And at what cost? And how is that a game you can even win when it's impossible to please everyone simultaneously?
If I cared more about being liked, accepted, applauded and understood by others than I did about expressing my truth, more than half of my work would not have seen the light of day. Or maybe all of it would be lost in the ethers. Who knows.
I don't know what it's like to censor myself - to avoid being true to who I am.
I'm great at being me without apology. And I wish more people were fully themselves because it's those who aren't who point the fingers at those who are. Can't we all just be our awesome selves and let everyone else do the same?
"Haters" in my opinion, are just people who are out of touch with who they really are, and you being really you seems to piss them off royally because they've yet to give themselves permission to be as free.
Their anger towards you is really anger at themselves for not rising up and embracing their own power. It's a good thing. Maybe that strong feeling will inspire them to look inward one day and create for themselves exactly what they are judging in you.
My family gave me all the training I needed in dealing with haters. My mother was the cruelest one of all (in her previous incarnation - we're all good now) and I'm grateful for that.
You think any stranger can top what my mother dished out? Not a chance. You think I'm going to care what a stranger thinks of me when I didn't even care what my family of origin thought as I went against every grain and rule I had been raised to adhere to? Not a chance.
Everything I do along my path is because it feels in alignment with my soul's code. I don't need other people's permission to honour it. I don't need them to praise or understand it. I just need to do it.
That's why when my love asked, "How are you able to share as much as you do?" I said it's because I cannot be another way. It would hurt me to hold the words in. It heals me to let the words out.
I attribute what others call strength and courage in me, to my experience growing up. My "voice" was developed early because I was forced (by my intense feelings of pride and injustice) to speak up for myself and speak out against injustice within my own family, and that's the hardest system to fight as many of you know if you were raised in a highly dysfunctional system as well.
Sanity is shunned. Secrets and addictions abound. The healthiest one becomes the odd man out. You're "crazy" for not being ok with insanity.
And if you dare to change for the better while they remain stuck in their old ways, you threaten everything and everyone around you - and trust me, they won't have any of it. The status quo needs you to stay 'just so' in order for them to remain comfortable.
You're the mirror they don't want to see. How dare you flaunt your healing while they lay there still broken? But heal you must. They'll have to find their own way to get up.
So I deliver these words to anyone who needs a reminder of the following: You're awesome. Your voice needs to be heard. What you have to say is important. It's ok not to be liked. Haters hate themselves; not you. You don't have to do it the way it's always been done. You're allowed (and encouraged) to challenge the status quo. You're supposed to be yourself so just be that, alright?
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