I believe we are all perfectly matched with each person in our lives and we remain connected as long as necessary to learn the lessons we're meant to teach one another. That's how we grow. That's how we get to the next level.
Our fellow humans, just like everything else on our life, contain a message just for us. They are mirrors. They are gifts. They awaken us to the parts of ourselves we need to cultivate further.
The ones who rattle you the most are the ones you will grow the most through. They aren't there by accident. They aren't there just to piss you off and ruin your day. They're there to wake you up to something about yourself that you've yet to discover, acknowledge and/or own. What could it be?
And it's been my experience that the ones you can't stand - the ones you want to throat punch - actually contain the key to your liberation, so don't be too quick to dismiss them. You can block them all you want on social media but they'll still show up again and again (either as themselves or through another person or experience in your life) because you simply can't outrun your own lessons.
The issue is never "that" person. "That" person is showing you where your personal issues lie. They're forcing you, through the way they disrupt your world, to take responsibility for your part in that creation.
What part of you is saying yes to this? What need is being met through this? What are you refusing to admit to yourself? Do you believe this is all you deserve?
These are the kinds of questions to ask.
It's easy to point fingers and get angry at "them". And I think it's healthy when you do. I think anger has a fantastic way of letting you know that a boundary has been crossed, that something's not working for you, that you're not honouring yourself properly and/or something needs to change.
And I think being angry is a triumph for people who are accustomed to just going along with things for fear of rocking the boat. When those people reach that point I'm like, FINALLY! You can't remain silent any longer! Hooray for feeling like enough is enough! That's movement! That's great!
Now what are you going to do about it?
I don't believe we have to have it all figured out. We never will. We'll never be finished. The top of one mountain is the bottom of another, as they say. We're always a work in progress.
But I think we can always check in with ourselves to see what's going on. It's ok to feel what you feel. It's ok to express it even if it comes out wrong. Even if the person you're expressing to doesn't like it and doesn't want to hear it.
You think my mom was happy about me setting new boundaries with her? Fuck no. The first time I told her I won't be coming to visit again unless she stopped verbally abusing me, her response was to not speak to me for 6 months. And that included a Christmas and both of our birthdays as well as her granddaughter's birthday. Yep. And it killed me inside.
Because all I wanted was to be able to have a good relationship with her. All I wanted was to feel good being around her. All I wanted was to stop being treated like shit. And at the time that was not something she was willing to do. So she punished me with silence and disconnection for having stood up for myself. It was the best she could do at the time.
That's the risk of changing and evolving and expressing your needs. Not everyone is going to like it and that's ok. It doesn't feel ok but it IS ok.
Because it's not up to anyone else to make you feel a certain way and change themselves to suit YOUR needs. No one owes you anything in life. It's up to YOU to take care of yourself properly and to decide what you're willing and not willing to accept.
I know it can be easier to stay in something that ultimately hurts you, believing it will change someday or believing it's your fault that it is the way it is - thereby twisting and contorting and shrinking yourself enough to fit the fuckery, but you sure as hell don't need or deserve to live like that.
My love, you deserve so much more.
And when you believe that, you will receive it.
All my love,
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