Today I have not heard one peep from next door and it's been so lovely. It will be nice if this peace lasts for the entire day and night and another day and another night and maybe just one more day and night until everything is fixed. Fingers crossed!
So grateful that yesterday's shit show is over and thank goodness for new days and new tomorrows that erase the hell we sometimes endure.
I appreciate all the cyber support I've been getting as I try to cope with what I hope will be the very last of this kind of experience in my life. Your words do make a difference and I do need an extra dose of love this week because I've been unravelling at the seams.
I'm sure we've all been there.
When our inner resources are too maxed out to manage an external situation effectively. When it takes everything we've got just to make it to the end of a day. When it hurts to keep going because it's been going on for too damn long. When we feel powerless to what's coming our way. When we don't know what to do to make ourselves feel ok again. When something just keeps kicking our soul's ass and we just want it all to end already. That's where I'm at but I know I will soon be rewarded for my choice to do something about a horrible situation, and after some sweet moments with sweet people earlier, I feel so much lighter.
Today has been full of smiles as I connected with each Too Good Triangles customer (with oodles more to come!), and Chloe has really made me laugh a lot, and the sun is beaming outside and I haven't fucked up my first TGT batches of the day so I think there's hope! Yay! My days and nights of peace will soon be upon me. I can't wait.
It wasn't until I filled out 4 pages of incidents on Monday and saw all the dates and all that occurred in this past year and a half, that I realized how long this has been going on and how much I have needed to endure despite my calls. I may as well have been in an abusive relationship myself because I heard every word, and felt the pain, and felt the fear, and it wore me out, too.
Broke my sleeps. Impacted my days. Made me dread his reaction after the cops would leave. All so fucked. And all on me. I should feel free to relax in my own home; not anticipate some rage-filled man's outbursts and have to spend my time recording this insanity and calling, calling, calling when all I want to do is sleep, sleep, sleep. I'm soooooo very grateful that the end is in sight. Knowing that doesn't make it more bearable in the meantime, but today while it's quiet, I'm doing ok.
Again, thanks for caring. I'm glad I don't have to go through things alone.
P.S. You can join the conversation here.
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