This was my mom back in the day. I actually still have that shirt she's wearing. I wore it in university when I dressed up as a hippy for Halloween.
Of all the pictures Paige and I went through last night, the ones of my mother moved me the most. As some of you already know, my mother died of brain cancer in 2009 after a lifetime of inner pain and heavy depressions. You can read about our last week together here.
We were not close, but mom and I were equally strong-willed and brutally honest, we both LOVED to dance, and yes, we both struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts.
She wanted freedom from her inner hell more than anything, and unfortunately did not get to experience that in her lifetime. Many are able to find some measure of peace before they die, but she went out still fighting everyone around her, and most especially herself.
Being able to see pictures of her from the 70s though, helped me to see a side of my mother I don't remember and wish I had known. I loved seeing her around friends and looking happy. It was great to see her smiling even if her smile betrayed the feeling in her heart.
I intend to put her photos in an album; something I never thought I'd do in a million years. But sometimes it takes years of someone not being around to finally feel ready to heal the past.
I believe it's possible to heal a relationship with a person who has passed, and for me, this is the first time I actually care about doing that.
I couldn't love my mother when she was alive, but I can learn to love her now.
Seeing her photographs filled me with compassion and touched my heart. I know what she suffered growing up and it was horrible, but it didn't make it any easier to accept the way she treated me while she was here.
Now though, as my daughter prepares her things to move out, it feels like the perfect time to bring some love and light and forgiveness into the bubble my mother and I will always share.
Why only have one fabulous mother/daughter relationship when I can create two?
It's time to love my mom.
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