When you finally realize your worth, you no longer strive to prove it. To yourself or to anyone else. You're free to just be. You're able to relax. And life becomes a dream.
It's been 5 days since my breakthrough and there's still so much I wish to write about it. But what I most want to say right now is that in all my 38 years I have never truly been relaxed. Until that major shift 5 days ago, that is.
My constant striving had nothing to do with anyone else's opinion of me. I've never really cared about what others thought of the things I did. I was on an endless journey to measure up to the vision I had of myself; one that I never succeeded in attaining, nor would I ever.
I couldn't win at this game because it was based on a lie: that I wasn't enough as I was.
If at the core of my being I truly believed this, then the natural result is that no matter what I did, no matter what I looked like, no matter how well I raised my daughter, no matter what I achieved, no matter how much I impacted the world, it was never enough. At least not to me. To others, it was plenty.
But for me, it was a frustrating cycle of endless trying and never arriving.
Until the lie dissolved. And boy, has it ever.
Now I'm finally free to relax after years of never truly being able. Now I'm measuring up in ways I never could.
The fight is finally over.
The lie is officially dead.
The truth has been revealed.
Goodbye, monster in my head.
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