Hardest day ever? Pretty close. Here are some of my Facebook updates leading up to my favourite person growing up and moving out:
May 27: "My not so little girl moves out this Saturday. Hope she loves it. xo"
May 30: "One more sleep until my best friend / annoying sister / live-in Buddha moves out."
May 31: "Paige leaves the nest in 3 hours. I'm sure I'm not the only parent who has emptied out cupboards just to fill bags for the little bird to ensure it won't starve once it's on its own for the first time. Letting go, letting go, letting go."
May 31: "Teary day for mama bear."
I feel the same way today as I did on Paige's very first day of school: equally proud and teary.
As a parent you look forward to the break from the responsibility of parenting, but the thought of them entering a world beyond you can feel a tad uncomfortable because you won't be there like you've always been. It's out of your hands now.
When they go to school, other adults are leading them, and when they move out, they are in charge of it all.
Of course it's only natural that your child will grow up, go to school and eventually move out, but it doesn't stop you from mourning the previous chapter at each pivotal step.
When Paige walked into the school on her very first day, she was so happy to be dressed up and starting school that she didn't even look back at me as she entered the doors. It was only hard for me. She was completely fine and had a wonderful day.
That morning, after all of the children went inside, one of the teachers gave every parent a card with a sweet poem and a tea bag attached as we stood their with our hearts ripped out. And I, teary-eyed like most of the parents there I'm sure, went home and cried.
My little girl was growing up.
And today, in just over an hour, my little girl is growing up some more and will be moving out for the very first time.
I feel so proud of the job I did as a parent and so blessed to have such a close relationship with the most extraordinary being I've ever known, but I am also typing this through a steady stream of tears because my beautiful girl is leaving the nest.
I love her so much. I love us so much.
19 years of learning, loving, fighting, sharing, kitty collecting and more.
She will do amazing because she is amazing.
And I will enjoy living on my own for the very first time in my life (I went from being a kid to raising one),
But first…these tears.
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